But what if you’re too uncoordinated to ski or snowboard, like me? (Ok, I confess: I’m actually very coordinated, and am incredibly good at both skiing and snowboarding, as well as pretty much every other sport in general; I was just saying that to make you feel better about yourself.) Don’t despair, and for the love of God don’t set foot on the mountain (you’ll just end up embarrassing yourself). Instead, grab a ski and some friends, because we’re going to make a shot ski; proving once and for all that winter sports and hard alcohol are a winning combination (just ask Michael Kennedy).

Now, there’s two ways you can do this. As with everything in life, you can make your shot ski well, or you can make it fast. Which you choose is entirely up to you. I’ll judge you on your decision of course, but only a little bit.

What You Need (The Fast Way)

• A ski. The length is up to you, but the amount of shot glasses you want to mount will depend on it. For the purposes of this guide, we’ll say that 60 inches is optimal. 
• Shot glasses. This guide calls for four, but the amount is really up to you.
• A tape measure. Preferably self-retracting coiled metal kind. Those are fun to play with.
• A Sharpie. Or some other kind of permanent marker that isn’t a Sharpie, if you’re a nonconformist. 
• Some kind of regular ol’ household epoxy, if you’re a pansy. 3M Marine 5200 Adhesive Sealant if you’re a fuckin’ boss.
• Rubber bands. Finally, you actually have a use for them!
• Sandpaper. Any old kind will do. 

What You Need (The Good Way)

• A ski. Older ones are ideal, because they’re not only cheap, but also have less composite materials for you to drill through. Oh yeah, SPOILER ALERT: You’re going to be drilling through it.
• Shot glasses. See above.
• A tape measure. See above.
• A Sharpie. Or not-Sharpie. See above.
• A standard power drill. Your dad probably has one, but he probably won’t let you borrow it.
• A 1½ inch hole saw drill bit. Can be found in any hardware store/creative serial killer’s arsenal of weapons.
• Sandpaper. Any old kind will still do. 

How to Do the Damn Thing (The Fast Way):

Step 1. First things first. Bust out that tape measure, we’re going to measure out where our shot glasses are going to go. Uniformity is key here.

Now for the purposes of this article, let’s say you’ve got a 60 inch ski, and four shot glasses. If you place the first shot glass six inches from the end of the ski, that leaves you with 16 inches of space between each shot glass, as illustrated in this beautiful and utterly not to scale diagram below:

If your ski is longer than 60 inches, just fudge the numbers a little, or even add another shot glass if you want. You just need to make sure you allow at least 15 inches between shot glasses (so the people drinking from them aren’t humping each other), and a few inches on the end to give people something to hold on to.

Step 2. With your Sharpie or off-brand permanent marker, mark off the spot where you want each shot glass to go.

Step 3. Using your sandpaper, rough up the spots where you’re going to affix your shot glasses. If it helps, pretend the ski owes you money or something.

Step 4. Put a liberal dab of epoxy down on a marked off spot on the ski, and press your shot glass right up against it. I like to pretend that the ski is me, and the shot glass is that girl from my high school who had a unibrow. Ah, junior prom was a special night. Repeat for as many shot glasses as you want your shot ski to hold.

Step 5. Wrap your rubber bands over the top of the shot glasses and under the bottom of the ski to keep them pressed together in a nice little sandwich, and set the whole contraption aside for a few hours.

Step 6. Once the epoxy has dried, you’re done. Congratulations! You took the easy way out yet again. Your shot ski should hold up just fine (especially if you used that badass Marine adhesive I told you to use), but you will have to wash the entire thing by hand, and it won’t look as nice as if you’d done it The Good Way. If you really want the ultimate in form and function, keep reading.

How to Do the Damn Thing (The Good Way)

Step 1. Same as above.

Step 2. Same as above.

Step 3. Just like the Republican Party’s general attitude prior to the 2010 BP Oil Spill, now it’s time to drill, baby, drill! (That’s right. I just made a classy political joke. Deal with it.)

Attach your hole saw bit to your drill, and touch the thin drill bit protruding from the center of the circle (known as the pilot drill) to the spot you marked on your ski. Then drill right through that fucker, using this handy diagram as your guide:

WARNING: Skis are typically made out of polycarbonates and other nasty stuff, so protect your eyes when you’re drilling into them, unless you really, really want a nice new piece of plastic for a cornea.

Repeat for as many shot glasses as you want your shot ski to hold.

Step 4. Sand the inside edges of the holes, and you’re done! Since a standard shot glass fluctuates from 1¼ to 1¾ inches from bottom to top, and the holes you drilled are 1½ inches in diameter, most standard shot glasses should drop right in, and be held in place by friction. The advantage of going this route over The Fast Way is that your shot glasses are now removable, and can be easily taken out and washed. Plus it just looks so damn professional.

Step 5. There is no step five! You’re done! And I am so proud of you. For once in your miserable life, you took the time to do things right. High five! Now if only you had friends to drink out of this with…

Images courtesy of http://www.epicski.com, http://www.skinet.com, http://unofficialnetworks.com,

 http://www.garywinberg.com, http://andrewnewell.squarespace.com, http://2.bp.blogspot.com, 

http://www.clairesmallwood.com

The post Shred the Powder (And Your Liver) With a Shot Ski appeared first on The Campus Companion Party Lab.

Back in September, Brian Arola showed us 50 reasons why bottle openers are for sissies. Now, for your viewing pleasure, the guys from Metro Skateboarding have brought us 40 more, accompanied by some bitchin’ banjo music. Top hits include opening a beer with: A chainsaw, a circular saw, an iPhone, an eye socket, a dog, blowtorch, and a Frisbee. Enjoy!

The post 40 (More) Ways to Open a Beer Bottle Like a Badass appeared first on The Campus Companion Party Lab.

Getting drunk can be an expensive endeavor, especially if the bars are involved. After paying food and rent (which is still too damn high, let us remind you) there’s rarely any money left over for cocktails, let alone beer. Luckily you’ve been blessed with a beautiful, unique cash cow that you can exploit for every penny that it’s worth. That’s right, your body. Believe it or not, there are thousands of dollars to be made by pimpin’ out your corpse. Here’s how. 

Blood: 

Let’s get one thing straight before we dive into this. DON”T GIVE BLOOD AND DRINK. Ok. Now where were we. 

Giving blood is probably the oldest and most time-honored way to make a quick buck. It’s been utilized by vagabonds, travelers, and poor college students. There’s a reason for that, too. Your body is just making this shit, over and over and over. You’d be crazy not to capitalize! It’s a renewable resource that just keeps on giving. If anyone gives you shit, just remind them you’re helping people out and making the world a better place. Nobody can argue with that. 

It’s a lot harder to find people willing to play for blood (legally) these days, but there are still some hospitals or blood banks that might be interested. You’ll have to ask around. 

If this is something you’re considering, there’s some manditory reading to do first:

• America Red Cross – Donating Blood
• How To Prepare Your Body For Giving Blood 

Hair:

Look at yourself. Your body is literally producing gold by the second and you’re doing nothing about it. Hair is another renewable resource you can bank on to make you some extra pocket change.  There is a huge market of rich bald people that will pay cold, hard, cash for the chance to wear your hair as their own. Fine wigs made of human hair. That’s where the money’s at. 

Learn more:

• How To Sell Your Hair

Sperm/Eggs:

The men definitely got the raw end of the deal here. Donating your sperm can net you $100. An egg? $5,000. Still, a guy that donates twice a week could get a cool $24,000 a year.  Careful though. You might end up like Ben Seisler. He has 70 kids. 

Learn More:

• 6 Terrifying Things Nobody Tells You About Donating Sperm

Indentured Servitude:

Originally used to obtain passage to the new world, contract laborers to work your land, or other oppressive activity, indentured servitude is in serious need of a 21st century update. Luckily, college is rife with opportunities to sell your labor. A typical contract used to be for 3-7 years, but a month is probably a safer bet. Offer to do your roommates laundry, cooking, and homework in exchange for beer. You may lose some, if not all, of your dignity, but that’s a small price to pay for free booze. Plus, you probably won’t care since you’ll be drunk. 

Sex:

I considered not even putting this on here, but I guess it’s a required addition to any list about selling your body. It’s pretty much the original way to sell your body. Couple things to clear up. Yes, this is illegal. Yes, this is a good way to get and spread diseases. Yes, it will permanently ruin your reputation, especially in college. Still interested? Be my guest. I’m guessing there’s some weird shit on Craigslist you could get involved in. 

The post 5 Ways You Can Sell Your Body For Beer Money appeared first on The Campus Companion Party Lab.

Throwing a party can be a really good time, but welcoming a bunch of people you won’t know that well into your home has it’s obvious drawbacks. For instance, there’s a good chance some of your stuff might go missing afterwards. Think about your sketchiest friend. Now think about the sketchy people they’ll invite to your party. Scary right? Here’s some essential items to stow away and lock up before the party starts.

Your Booze

You’re already sharing your house with everyone, and possibly even a keg. You shouldn’t be expected to share your bottle too. Don’t leave it laying around for anyone to try and steal. Of course, it does depend on whether we’re talking about Ron Diaz or Grey Goose here. You don’t want to be the lunatic who’s hell-bent on protecting Ron Diaz after all.

Here’s the prime example for watching where you leave your booze, from personal experience of course. This kid brought a bottle of Ciroc to a party (I’m assuming because he was a big P. Diddy fan, because why they hell else would anyone bring a bottle of Ciroc to a college party?) and within the hour some kid had tried to pour half of it into his water bottle. Once again, watch your booze.

Your Room

This should be obvious, but I’ve been to many parties where someone gets stuff taken from their room because they didn’t lock it. On top of that whole theft thing, there’s also the distinct possibility that a girl and guy at the party might look for a room to get more “acquainted.” You don’t want that to be your room do you? No, no you don’t.

Anything People Could Draw With

You might not think of this one, but it shouldn’t be overlooked, regardless of whether it’s a pen, marker, sharpie or pencil. Clear these out of any room people will be in. Leaving coloring materials out near drunk college kids is like leaving a loaded handgun with a monkey. My friends learned this the hard way when a party-goer decided to paint a mural on their kitchen wall free of charge. The kid was not an artist either.

All Game Systems And Accessories

I’ve heard of multiple people that threw parties and ended up a controller poorer for the trouble. For some reason, drunks feel like they need another PS3 controller before they head home sometimes. Also, a vintage game system and any games are easy targets to steal as well. Who doesn’t want a Sega Genesis when they see one? And who can resist this face……

Everything You Can’t Afford To Replace

Sadly, just about everything in your house is ripe for the taking. If you see something that you might cry over if it got taken, you should probably just lock it up. Everything else is probably good to keep out. Obviously you’re not going to bring your television outside the main room, but you never know how ambitious some of these young thieves can be. And on top of the chance of theft, there’s the ever present chance that someone could just break your stuff by way of falling, dropping, punching, vomiting, etc. Man, now that I think of it, throwing parties is a huge hassle. I’m glad people keep doing it because I sure don’t feel like risking my stuff….

The post Throwing A Party? 5 Things To Lock Up Before Things Get Rowdy appeared first on The Campus Companion Party Lab.

Boozing on a budget isn’t easy. When it comes to spending money, college students are similar to the federal government: We frivolously piss away funds we don’t have on weekends of pleasure. All the while we are accruing credit card and loan debts at an alarming rate trying to pay for the institutions that basically promote the act of drinking.  It’s a deadly cycle, and at times it can be rough scrounging up money to pay for our habit.

Fortunately, we are ingenious when it comes to finding ways to get booze. The party must go on, and come hell or high water, the solo cup will be filled with the delicious nectar that fuels our fun. The art of getting cheap booze doesn’t always have to involve pushing the boundaries of your financial budget, though. The following are some ways in which you can get booze practically free: 

Prison Style:

Gather the following:

• Trash bag
• Fruit juice
• Bread.

Pour the fruit juice into the bag, and add the bread. Tie it up tight, and toss it under your bed. In a month you’ll have good old fashion prison hooch. For those brave enough to digest the wretched concoctions, the spoils of your hard work will yield endless amounts of cheap booze.   

The Vagina Effect:

Women, you know what I am talking about. You don’t even have to use the damn thing; the simple fact that you have a vagina gets you tons of free booze. Milk it for what it’s worth. If you can play your cards right, you’ll never have to spend a dime at the bar. Just be cautious of who you are taking drinks from, because sometimes they come with a catch.

Liar, Liar Pants on Fire:

This is shameful, but I’ve been guilty of it. Lying to get booze can often be an effective method. So maybe your dad isn’t a senator, and you’ve never served in the military. The sorry sucker you are commandeering booze from won’t ever know the difference.  Just be careful you have a good backstory. People will ask questions!

The Booze Snatcher:

This is by far the best way to save money on booze while still maintaining some dignity. When you are scanning the list of potential parties to attend Friday night, look for the BYOB type of parties.  Go to your local quickie mart and buy yourself a 40 oz. bottle of malt liquor. Then, show up at the party acting a little bit tipsy, while sippin’ on the 40.  Befriend as many people as you can early in the party. Now here is the trick. Leave just enough liquid in the 40 oz. for it to look like you are almost done.

If you’ve done the leg work, every time you walk up and approach a group of people you have  befriended beforehand, they should notice your almost out. One of them will offer you a cold brew.  You can bounce around from group to group at the party doing this. Of course, if they aren’t buying your gag, steal their booze when they’re not looking.

Drunkorexia:

Too soon?  It goes without saying that if you don’t eat all day, and then drink – you’re about to get wasted. Of course, the less you have to drink to get drunk, the less money you will spend. In all seriousness this isn’t recommended for anyone, but it sure nice knowing you only have to drink 5 beers to get drunk.

Drinking in college has never been about spending lavishly; it’s been more about drinking resourcefully. Consider all option when you go to spend money on booze, and remember: there is almost always a way to get free booze.  

The post Booze on a Budget: The Dirty Deeds of Getting Drunk For Free appeared first on The Campus Companion Party Lab.

What You Need 

• A pumpkin: Well, no shit. The bigger the better, just like your taste in women (ba-zing!).
• A marker: This will come in handy later, when people pass out on your couch with their shoes on.
• A knife: If you can’t find one, go ask that creepy neighbor who always seems to be moving heavy packages to and from his car really late at night.
• A spigot: They can be found online for five dollars. If you can’t afford that, you should probably be out looking for a job instead of reading articles on the internet, hippy. Alternatively, you can jury rig one of the spigots on a box of wine, but only after you slappa da bag.
• Beer: Or whiskey, if you’re the type of person who drinks whiskey from a keg (i.e. fucking nuts).  

How to Do The Damn Thing 

1. Using your marker, draw a ring around the stem of the pumpkin.  You can do this, I believe in you.

2. Using the ring as a guide, viciously stab and slash at the pumpkin (while crying about how Daddy never loved you) until you’ve carved out a neat little lid.

3. Pop the lid off (both physically and metaphorically), cause now it’s time to get your hands dirty. You’re going to want to remove all that slimy pulp and seeds from the inside of the pumpkin. I know, I know, pumpkin pulp is so gross! Just pretend you’re ripping out the fetid guts of a dead moose so you can burrow inside it and stay warm until morning—that always seems to calm me down during this icky step.

4. Decide where you want your spigot to go. Here at The Campus Companion we suggest placing it somewhere in the bottom portion of your pumpkin, you know, because of that crackpot theory called “gravity,” but we realize that you are an independent young woman who can take care of herself and probably won’t listen to us anyway, so do what you want, big girl.

5. Carve out a hole slightly smaller than the diameter of your spigot. That way you can jam the spigot in there nice and tight. Don’t be afraid to really cram it in there, this is as much for your enjoyment as it is the pumpkin’s. If you bought the spigot I recommended earlier (and if you didn’t, why don’t you ever listen to me?!), then you’re going to want to remove the back washer first and then reattach it after you push the spigot tube through.

6. There is no step six; you’re done!  The only thing left to do is celebrate your ingenuity with a nice pumpkin-flavored drink. It doesn’t actually matter what the drink is, because it’s going to end up pumpkin-flavored no matter what.  Deal with it.

7. OPTIONAL: Give your pumpkin keg a name and dress it up in little clothes, then cart it around in a stroller and tell people it’s your newborn baby, all the while drinking heavily from it. They’ll be confused, but you’ll be drunk, so who cares? (Note: If you get arrested for drinking in public, you’ve never heard of me and this website doesn’t exist. But know that you’re awesome.)

As always, here’s a handy video outlining the whole process, in case my writing wasn’t good enough for you, Mr. Hot Shot. 

Image courtesy of celebrations.com. 

The post How to Win Friends & Influence People (by Building a Pumpkin Keg) appeared first on The Campus Companion Party Lab.

The keg is among a college kid’s most precious commodities. Filled with liquid courage just waiting to be tapped, the keg is what makes a college party. Without it, it’s really more of a “get together” or something. But waiting in line for the keg is such a hassle. Getting to the front of the line is crucial in order to maintain your buzz. Here’s five ways to get to the front of that line.

Create a Distraction

If you’ve watched any sitcom, you know the distraction is supremely effective. My recommendation would be to get one of your friends to yell “cops!” at the top of their lungs. This is the equivalent of yelling “fire!” in a movie theater, except not illegal. Watch as the people in front of you run for their lives to escape an underage. Hey, to cut in line you have to play dirty sometimes.

Offer to Help

Some people are idiots, and they are usually drunk. When this happens, you see them struggle to get their beer. This is your chance to step in and offer to help dispense the beer for everyone. You really only need to help one person, and then help yourself as a reward. Then you can just walk away, beer in hand.

Bribery

This is where having a water bottle full of a strong concoction comes in handy. Bring one to the party anyway, because you never know when it might come in handy. Bribe your way to the front by letting everyone have some of your booze. If they fail to see the fairness in a trade like that, well you’re dealing with some particularly idiotic people.

Make Friends With The Gatekeeper

Ever been to one of those parties where there’s a guy watching over the keg like a hawk? That is the keg gatekeeper. This person is douche personified, but getting them on your side can be particularly beneficial. Bring up how cool his backwards hat and birkenstocks are and you’re golden.

Bring Your Own (Mini) Keg

Take your keg and drink it too by bringing your own mini keg to the party. These things are endless fun (well, until the beer runs out anyway). You’re first in line every time with this thing. They run like $20, which isn’t too bad considering the amount of beer and convenience you get. To hell with keg lines.

The post How To Get Served First In A Keg Line appeared first on The Campus Companion Party Lab.

It is that time of the year again. As the days grow shorter and the morning dew turns to frost, it is clear that fall will soon be upon us. For many of us, the coming of fall brings to mind fond memories: the sensation of chilled autumn air in the back of our throats, the dry crunch of leaves beneath our feet, perhaps even the sandpapery chafe of nipples—hard and cold as ice—beneath our undershirts.  But for many of us college students, fall means one thing and one thing only: Hallo-fuckin’-ween. And in turn, Halloween itself also means one thing and one thing only: bitchin’ costumes.

Now, for all the ladies out there who are planning on (as the French say) “slutting it up” this Halloween, I would like to personally encourage you to do just that. For some of you, this may be the one night of the year you feel truly comfortable donning your sexiest and most outlandish outfits. For others, this may be business as usual. Who am I to judge? I am but a mere observer, casually scrolling through your Facebook photos and silently judging you.

Anyway, although the willingness to brave a cold October night wearing little more than what God (or not-God, if you’re an atheist) gave you is a truly admirable quality and indicative of a highly creative and interesting individual whom I’d like to maybe grab a coffee or something with sometime, not all slutty Halloween costumes are made equal. So as you gear up for All Hallows Eve, or “Drunken Pumpkin Candy Sex Night” as I like to call it, remember what the skeleton covered in Silly Putty (otherwise known as Heidi Klum) says on Project Runway: “you are either in, or you’re out.”

The following is a list of slutty Halloween costumes that are sooo OUT this year.

Slutty Food

Now I like eating as much as the next somewhat overweight guy, but I’m going to come right out and say it: food is not sexy. Despite what The Food Network desperately wants you to believe, there is nothing hot about a cupcake, and nobody who isn’t a complete psychopath has ever been turned on by an ear of corn.

At best, your sexy hot dog costume is just making me hungry. At worst, it’s making me never want to eat one again, because the next time I see one all I’ll be able to imagine is a hot dog that’s inexplicably grown legs and a face, staring silently up at me, begging me not to eat it. And I like my hot dogs. I don’t need a moral crisis every time I go to eat one. Please don’t ruin them for me.

Instead:

Try a drink-themed costume. Unlike food, drinks can be sexy. A ton of them even have “sex” in the name. For example, grab a sarong, a towel, and a plastic cup with a little umbrella and be a Sex on the Beach. Or dye your hair red and be a Red-Headed…you get the picture. Bonus points if you’re actually drinking your costume’s namesake.

Slutty Children’s Costumes

Hey, remember the shows you watched when you were a kid? The books you read? The videogames you played?  Remember how none of those things were even remotely sexual at all? Well, thanks to advancements in the scientific field of destroying your childhood memories, you can now feast your eyes on a sexy Cat in the Hat, a seductive Spongebob, or a well-endowed Mario.

The problem with these costumes is that everyone knows who these characters are, or rather who they’re supposed to be, and almost nobody wants them to be sexy. We have Minnie Mouse and Winnie the Pooh tucked away in a special, innocent part of our minds, where they belong. Seeing them mixed together with sexuality opens up a whole new can of worms in our fragile little brains. I don’t want to be attracted to Burt from Sesame Street,  but with that kind of costume you’re somewhat forcing me to be, and that fills my head with confusing thoughts.

In the end, I can’t tell which is more disturbing: the thought that a pretty girl has skinned big bird and is wearing his decapitated head like a tiara, or the fact that I’m just a little turned on by it.

Instead:

Try a sexy version of a character most of us are familiar with from our early teenage years. It won’t be confusing, and it may even rekindle some old attractions. Think like a sexy Daria, or Topanga from Boy Meets World.

Slutty Male Superheroes

I want to preface this by saying I’m not telling you to not dress up as a superhero. You really can’t go wrong with a nice superhero costume, and you certainly look a bit more unique than the plethora of sexy nurses, cat-girls, and Tom Cruises from Risky Business (if you don’t get what I mean, Google it. It’s the laziest excuse for a costume ever). But please, for the sake of my fragile little mind, don’t go as some weird, cross-dressing female version of a burly, he-man superhero.

Now you may notice that I didn’t include Superman or Batman among the pictured costumes, because I know that there’s a Supergirl and a Batgirl, both of whom are totally fine to go as. All of the superheroes shown above are objectively male. Hell, Iron Man has “man” right in the name. And Robin is “The Boy Wonder,” after all.

You see, the problem with dressing up as a sexy male superhero is similar to the problem with dressing up as a sexy children’s character: people already have an image of what you’re trying to be in their head, and you’re seriously messing with it. Now if messing with people’s heads is your game, then by all means, go for it. Mindfuck ‘em. But if that’s not what you’re going for, then know that it is extremely distracting to see Thor with such defined cleavage.

And it’s not like there aren’t a million female superheroes to choose from. Besides, Wonder Woman is way cooler than the fucking Flash.

Instead:

Just choose a female superhero. Please.

Slutty Racial Stereotypes

Please don’t think I’m just picking on girls here; guys are about 1000% more likely to dress up in a racist, offensive Halloween costume. I may have even done it myself once or thrice. As far as racist costumes go, most of these aren’t even that horrendous.

The real problem with dressing up as a sexy racial stereotype is that it’s just plain uncreative. This is Halloween, a holiday where you can dress up as fucking anything. Want to make a statement about American economics by dressing up as a literal representation of the Federal debt-ceiling? Go for it. Want to make a statement about how batshit crazy you are by dressing up as a space shuttle made out of gummy bears? Go for it. What about a sexy space shuttle made out of gummy bears? Holy shit go for it. 

Instead:

Make up some sort of weird alien race, then stereotype the shit out of them. Perhaps the Glaxons from Epsilon Eridani just like sitting around on their Glorps all day and listening to Plax music. Or something like that. On second thought, no. Don’t do that. That’s weird as hell. Forget I said anything.

In Conclusion:

Ladies! Please don’t take any of what I’ve said seriously. Dress up as whatever you want for Halloween. I won’t judge, I promise.  These are just the sleep-deprived rantings of a lunatic who really can’t believe that it’s already 7 AM. Over and out.

All photos courtesy of Yandy.com. You can buy the costumes here.

The post 4 Bizarre Types of “Sexy” Women’s Halloween Costumes, and What You Should Wear Instead appeared first on The Campus Companion Party Lab.

Photo courtesy of http://365do-overs.blogspot.com

Ooh…bring the lights down low and turn up the Barry White, because I’m about to teach you a party craft that’ll get all the ladies swooning and all the guys crooning. Maybe.

On their own, bottle caps are about a three on the Sexy Scale, right below broken light bulbs and right above pencil shavings. Candles, on the other hand, are always hot (Get it?!). Whether it’s the fetching way they make us look in their flickering light, the hot wax we can’t resist pouring all over our bodies (people do that, right?), or the inherent risk they carry of burning our houses down,  a tasteful assortment of candles can be the difference between an awkward drunken encounter and a steamy, sensual drunken encounter. With this quick guide, you too can turn that pile of bottle caps underneath the couch into an assortment of sweet candles that everyone except Smokey the Bear will enjoy. 

Materials Needed:

-Bottle caps. Check between your cushions if you can’t find any.

-Crayons. You’re too old to be drawing with them anyway.

-Pre-waxed wire wicks. You actually have to buy these, but they cost less than a candy bar, which you probably don’t need anyway. They can be found at any craft store that knows what’s good for it.

-Some sort of cooking pan or pot. If you don’t have one, steal one from HomeGoods or something. But if you get caught, you don’t know me and this website doesn’t exist.

-A pair of scissors. Don’t run with them. 

-A beer can. Or a soda can, if you’re boring.

-Some sort of heating source. If you’re six years old and mommy won’t let you use the stove, a magnifying glass and a hot sidewalk will suffice. 

How to Do the Damn Thing:

Step 1: Cut the beer/soda can in half. Watch those delicate fingertips, aluminum cans hate fingertips.

Step 2: Fill the can with crayons. Whatever color your crayons are is what color your candles will end up as, so if you use a hodgepodge they’ll probably just end up brown.

Step 3: Fill up the pot/pan with a small amount (less than an inch) of water, and boil it.

Step 4: Place the half-can with crayons into the boiling water, and make sure it’s shallow enough so water doesn’t spill over. 

Photo courtesy of http://tucci.shallspeak.com

Step 5: While the crayons are melting, stand the wire wicks in your bottle caps like so:

Photo courtesy of http://theamericanhomemaker.blogspot.com

Step 6: Once the crayons are all melted-like, carefully pour them onto your bottle caps, completely covering the base of the wicks. 

Photo courtesy of http://beckyandthebeanstalk.blogspot.com

Step 7: Find some way to occupy yourself for a half hour while the candles dry. Here at The Campus Companion, we recommend playing a game of Chase the Laser Pointer with your roommate’s cat. 

Step 8: There is no step 8. You’re done! I’m so proud of you. Now go forth and enjoy the mountains of coitus these sexy little candles will no doubt bring you. 

WARNING: Be careful, don’t burn your house down.  But if you do, send me pictures. 

Photos courtesy of http://www.etsy.com/shop/RandomlyRecycled

The post DIY Bottle Cap Candles Are More Than You Can Handle appeared first on The Campus Companion Party Lab.

Beer Pong Table: Here’s a classic outfit that everyone’s sure to appreciate. You might have to live with people throwing pong balls at you all night, but that’s a small price to pay. This could be made from things you already have in your house like red cups and pong balls and…well that’s it. Just figure out how to strap a playing surface to your body and you’re good to go.

Read This: The Halloween Manifesto For College Guys

Identity Theft: Find the darkest outfit you can find and grab a ski mask. Throw it all together and see if you can get your hands on a bunch of those “Hello, my name is…” stickers. Put a bunch of random names of them and stick them all over your body. Boom! You’re identity theft. Wilfred: Wilfred’s character was made to wear as a Halloween costume somewhere. I hope I see someone with it. I’ve always wanted to smoke with Wilfred in person.

Want More?: The 6 Types of Halloween Costumes You’ll See On Campus

Team Zissou: From the classic Wes Anderson movie The Life Aquatic, comes the Team Zissou outfit. This is my personal favorite. It gives you the excuse to say, “Klaus! If you ever touch me again, I will kick your goddamn teeth out,” or “I’m right on the edge. I don’t know what comes next.” Notecard: A buddy of mine did this one year. He got a couple of big, white poster boards and put them on his body. Some of the things drunk people wrote on him were hilarious. He got dozens of phone numbers in between a plethora of penis drawings. The best part was getting to read everything the next morning. It helps to get your mind off your inevitable hangover. Monopoly Man: This is probably the best outfit I’ve ever worn. I made it myself with a top hat, sport coat, cane and a fake mustache. I crawled along Del Playa Drive in the jungle that is Isla Vista on Halloween handing out get-out-of-jail-free cards to fellow partygoers. As the night progressed, I made it rain monopoly money off someone’s balcony. It was very successful.

Iron Chef: This is a savvy costume because all you need is an apron. Next, grab a marker and in big letters write: Fe. Now you’re an iron chef. Congratulations. This costume works on two levels. One is its obvious hilarity. Two is that if someone doesn’t get it, you can call them an idiot. Workaholics Bear Jacket: If you want to look straight grizzly this Halloween then I highly encourage you to grab a bear jacket. Made famous by one of the funniest shows on TV, the bear jacket is sure to grab attention even if someone hasn’t watched the show. Besides, everyone loves bear puns. Formal Apology: Feel like you’re lacking creativity this year? A play on words usually makes for a hilarious outfit. If you can get your hands on a tuxedo, or even one of those tuxedo t-shirts, you’re halfway there. Just make a sign saying “I’m Sorry” and you’ve successfully created the formal apology costume. There has to be someone at the party drunk enough to laugh at that. The Stolen Costume Costume: Okay, so maybe you have zero creativity. Maybe you also have no materials to work with either. That’s no excuse. Grab a plain t-shirt and a pair of boxers and you’re basically done. Just make a sign to put around your neck that says something like, “This person stole my costume” and an arrow pointing in either direction. Then when you stand next to someone, just look pissed off. It’s lazy, but it’s a costume.

For More Halloween Coverage, Check Out

The Halloween Manifesto For College Guys

The 10 Worst Halloween Candies of All Time

The 6 Types Of Halloween Costumes You’ll See On Campus

The 4 Bizarre Types Of “Sexy” Halloween Costumes, And What You Should Wear Instead

The Best Halloween Drinks and Concoctions

How To Make Great Halloween Craft Decorations On a Budget

How To Make Halloween Jungle Juice

4 Bizarre Types of “Sexy” Women’s Halloween Costumes, and What You Should Wear Instead

The post Top Halloween Costume Ideas For College Guys In 2012 appeared first on The Campus Companion Party Lab.