Feats of College Drinking, Hollywood Style
Heroes get remembered, but legends never die: a drinking mantra many live by come Friday nights in college towns across the nation. Bigger, bolder, and wilder are words that have come to define this generation’s insatiable party habit. There is no satisfaction in drinking anymore, unless some unbelievable shit goes down. Let’s face it, the heydays of your parent’s college drinking experience would seem like child’s play nowadays.
But why is this?
We can thank Hollywood. Hollywood knows their addicts all too well, and they play to it. They have set forth the standards of debauchery, and we strive to meet their expectations. Our relentless masturbation to everything booze related is a sickness.
If art imitates life, and then life imitates art – we are fucked. Everyone knows Hollywood loves to exaggerate the boundaries of human capabilities. But what does this mean for impressionable college drinkers like us?
It means we are caught up in a deadly cycle in which the boundary of alcohol intake is constantly pushed. It’s a frantic game of tennis in which our party lifestyle is projected back on us – supersized – and is often met with deadly consequences.
The following are feats of college drinking that have culminated from the influence of Hollywood and our own willingness to put a night of glory over personal safety. We challenge movie-makers so they can challenge us right back, and here’s how…
1. The Double-Beer Shotgun
2. The Balcony Beer Bong
CHUG, CHUG, CHUG! The average beer bonger is accustomed to funneling down 1 or 2 beers at once. The popularization of the balcony beer bong by Hollywood has increased this number tenfold. Chugging 8 to10 beers in less than a minute is undoubtedly a great human achievement. The sheer force of liquid flowing from 4 stories up is enough to knock most anyone on their ass. Yet, the balcony beer bong is common sight around campus, especially on game day. For the average male, one of these would give them a BAC of 0.189%.
3. The Strikeout
Made famous by the movie Beerfest, the strikeout is a salute to the truly hardened partier. It is mastered as follows: take a rip from the bong and while holding the smoke in, chug an entire beer, follow with a shot, then exhale the smoke. They call it the strikeout because after successfully finishing one of these, you’ll be out. Those who can accomplish this feat are proud to say they’ve done so. A search of YouTube will give you a good idea of just how amazing people think this is.
4. The Butt Chug
This is something no one saw coming. All credit goes to Jackass star Steve-O for the butt chug. Most people find the oral approach of consuming alcohol a perfectly fitting way to get drunk. Recently, there are those who’ve begun reviving this method of drinking, and it hasn’t been pretty. Shoving a tube up your ass to get drunk is hardly the rage; however those looking for some spotlight are daring enough to risk death for it. I won’t even go into the medical issues associated with trying this, but needless to say, it’s horrible for you.
5. The Party-Turned-Riot
The mentality of your party guest is always something to keep in the back of your mind. With the never ending call to drink more and more, party hosts are finding it harder to maintain a respectable party environment. Movies like Project X aren’t helping. When we see a party so big that it is transformed into a riot, we inevitably find it cool. Thus, any party worth going to must end with mass destruction and police clad in full riot gear. The college riot has been transformed into a trophy which the collegiate youth strive to attain.
Any of these acts are sure to get people buzzing. Social Media is jammed packed of videos and pictures of daredevils, hoping to make a name for themselves. With a bit of luck, they triumph in pushing limits of human conscience.
We leave behind a legacy upon completion of college. Our trashy, booze-ridden nights may have been all but lost to ourselves, but the evidence is still there. We are constantly pushing the realms of what is capable, and soon there is no telling how low we will stoop. The line between reality and fiction is blurred, but we must be able to recognize the difference. Just because Hollywood says man can fly, doesn’t mean he can. Remember that. Cheers!
Category: Drinks and Jungle Juice, Featured, Uncategorized
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