It’s a fact of life: there are probably a lot of people out there who are trying to get their hands on your alcohol. Even if you don’t know it, they are. Swindlers, thieves and saboteurs will, at some point, show their true faces when they try and steal your stash. While in college, these potential liquor bandits include, but are not limited to (ranked from least to most likely to swipe your booze):
- Your friends
- Good roommates who get drunk and run out of alcohol
- Your neighbors
- That kid from Econ that came over to study
- Friends of friends
- The drug dealer down the hall
- Bad roommates
- Resident advisors
Our point is that there are plenty of plunderers in your midsts, and it would be prudent to hide your alcohol. We traveled to the darkest corners of the internet and back, and we have returned to share with you the best ways of hiding your liquor.
A Flask Tucked Neatly Into A Carved-Out Book:
Let’s be honest. Nobody is going to notice if your Stats book hasn’t left your bookshelf all semester, and they’ll be even less inclined to pull it off the shelf and flip through it inquisitively. Rather than spending $150 on a fresh textbook to conceal your stash, head down to the local used bookstore and find an outdated textbook. Normally we’d never suggest defiling books, but who’s really gonna miss an outdated textbook? Carve it up using any one of these thorough guides (1, 2, 3, 4). God bless the internet.
In a Mouthwash Container:
This is a trick that we originally suggested for sneaking liquor onto a Cruise Ship. Lucky for you, it’s just as applicable to dorm life trickery. The process is simple:
- Empty out a blue Listerine mouthwash bottle
- Fill your bottle up with vodka.
- Add three drops of blue food coloring and one drop of green food coloring
On Your Body:
If you go this route there exist many obvious choices, flask being the most popular. Strategically placed “nips”, also known as airplane bottles can work well too. You can even put alcohol in your CamelBak.
Campus Police have probably wised up to almost all of these options, however, and they probably won’t do you much good.
You would be amazed how many products exist that allow you to hide booze in your clothes and on your body. You’ve got: sandals bras, and fake beer bellies to name just a few. If you’re at a party that you expect to be broken up, it can’t hurt to employ one or some of these products/tactics to ensure you won’t get busted. These also double as pretty neat party tricks. In fact, they might even help you get laid.
In Plain Sight, or, The Industrial Water Cooler Trick:
There’s no easier way to hide your booze than in plain sight. Sounds crazy, I know. I thought it was too. Until my friend told me about why every party needs an industrial water cooler. This will seriously revolutionize the way you drink, and definitely ensure nobody will steal your precious nectar ever again.
The “Fuck It” Approach:
I don’t reccomend this one if you want to keep your booze.