Whiskey Stones Will Cool Your Drink And Kick Your Ass
Dilemma:
You bring your otherwise delicious drink to your lips, only to discover that it is warmer than the earth will be in 100 years (according to Al Gore). Maybe you forgot to refrigerate your alcohol; maybe the only mixer you could find was on some dusty, neglected shelf in the back of the liquor store. Either way, you’re starting to notice that your lukewarm concoction tastes less like a tropical beach on a sunny day and more like an overfilled dumpster on a sunny day.
Solution:
You put ice in your drink. Voila! It’s cold. If you couldn’t have figured that one out you have no business in an institution of higher learning. Or maybe you’re just really high.
Dilemma #2:
You put your freshly chilled drink down for a moment, maybe to chat it up with a sexy neighbor or school some people on the beerpong table. When you return, the ice has melted completely, leaving you with a sad, watered-down slosh that hardly resembles the ass-puckeringly strong drink you once had.
Solution:
First, you punch yourself in the testes (or if you’re a girl, get creative) for being so shortsighted. Then, you buy yourself a set of whiskey stones.
“What? Why would I put rocks in my drink?” you might ask, to which I would respond that perhaps if you would just shut up for a moment instead of barking out questions at your computer monitor, you might find your answer.
Put simply, whiskey stones are stones that you put in your whiskey. Or any other drink, for that matter. Made of soapstone, these little guys will retain their coldness longer than ice, and will never, ever melt (unless you live at the center of the earth or something). You simply pop ‘em in the freezer, pull ‘em out when they’re cold, toss ‘em in your drink, and try not to swallow ‘em while drinking because you might die. Seriously, that’s the only real downside. Swallowing a rock is not the same as swallowing an ice cube, trust me.
Now many different companies will try to sell you packs of 6 or 8 whiskey stones for the exorbitant price of around $20, but I’m here to let you in on a little secret: any old soapstone will do. You can buy blocks of the stuff for cheap from wholesalers online, or if there is a countertop business near you, you may be able to get soapstone samples for free simply by asking for them. Don’t tell them your real intent, however, just say you’re looking for a nice soapstone countertop for your kitchen. Then, with a knife, some sandpaper, and a little elbow grease, you can carve your block of soapstone into whiskey stones that the whole family will enjoy.
Whiskey stones are the future of chilled alcoholic beverages, and you run the risk of being left behind if you choose to ignore them. However, should you embrace the whiskey stone phenomena, you will never again have to deal with your Dewars getting diluted, your ale turning frail, or your Mojito getting feeble. Think about a world where no man, woman, or child has to settle for a lukewarm Long Island Iced Tea. That is the world that I want to live in. Won’t you join me?
Category: Party Solutions
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