It’s been affectionately referred to as the Sex List, Bang Ballot, Coitus Catalogue, Copulation Chronicles, Screw Scrolls, Sex Series, Ass Archives, Pudenda Diaries, Fuck Files, Diddle Docket, Poon Panel, Mr. Ballin’s Opus, Pussy Portfolio, Le dossier du penis, or Catalogo de sexo. It’s something that most college students have, but very few are willing to let others see (or even let them know it exists).In fact, catching a glimpse of someone’s sex list is about as likely as seeing a group of great white sharks having an orgy.
This is a rundown of college sex lists that have been sent to us from a variety of individuals. They all have similarities, and it is interesting to dissect how people chronicle their sexual histories. Below are some of the more interesting lists that have been submitted. If you have one you would like to submit anonymously you can do so at the end of this post.
SEX LIST #1 – LEGAL PAD
Not very exciting, but this sex list is all about efficiency. It’s organized by year, name, and a simple good /bad rating scale. It’s not as if he has many people of whom he has to keep track, but I guess he found it appropriate to make the hash marks at the top. He is either a law student, or he just really needs to upgrade his paper to the normal college-ruled white. Or, you know, write his sex list somewhere that not everyone can see it. We really enjoyed the way he differentiated the two Jessica’s. How considerate of him. That extra initial really helps out, and adds a personal touch that I’m sure encapsulates everything that was different between the two.
SEX LIST #2 – RED LIGHT GREEN LIGHT?
This sex list made our list because not only did the girl name one of the guys “Mike #2,” but she also altered her entire rating scale because this guy sucked so badly. At least she ended on a positive note, with Jake earning himself 2 stars under the “Yes” category. Should we assume that “Yes” indicates that she’d sleep with him again?
SEX LIST #3 – HAHA, BLACK JACK
It took us a while to figure this one out when it was sent to us. This sly bastard is ACTUALLY using the Black Jack scale for his sex list. From what we can tell the year is on the left, the initials of the girls he’s (we assume it’s a guy) slept with are in the middle, and their blackjack scores are on the right. This guy, judging by the appearance and content of his sex list, obviously plays way too much online poker. He is probably a computer nerd who enjoys puzzles and riddles, and he desperately needs to get out more. There is a reason this list is so short.
SEX LIST #4 – CONSUMER REPORTS OF SEX?
This was by far one of the most amusing submissions of all the sex lists we received, and we find it hilarious to analyze. I’m just going to take a shot in the dark and say that this girl either aspires to work at Consumer Reports or she already works there. Her rating scale is identical to the one that Consumer Reports uses to rate snow blowers, coffee machines, and cellphones. If you don’t believe me, check it out here. There are the hearts on the left that probably indicate that she loved (or at least really liked) the guy. Then she immediately juxtaposes her little hearts with a 1-12 scale of how large the guys’ penises are. Josh is packing some heat. She goes on to rate each guy by foreplay, sex, after sex, follow up, and overall performance. We are dying to know why Kyle is a “Fucking Asshole”. We can only imagine what earned him those 5 black holes of death. It probably didn’t help him following an act like Chris.
SEX LIST #5 – TATTOO ON THE NECK
Creative and informative. It kind of reminded us of all of the rapists and murderers that get tattoos of hearts and teardrops to signify the individuals they’ve raped and murdered. But hey, whatever gets the job done, right?
SEX LIST #6 – GOOD Ol’ BED POST
This guy avoided the obvious cliché of putting notches on his bedpost by….never mind. Obviously this guy had fun in college and we wouldn’t put it past him to be on daredorm or some other college porn site.
SEX LIST #7 – EXCEL? REALLY?
It’s cocky, it’s nerdy, and informative. We have a feeling this guy is in pursuing some kind of business degree, probably finance. He’ll likely fit right in with the arrogant, shameless, opportunists inhabiting Wall Street these days. 2009 seemed like a good year until the last quarter where the bottom dropped out.
SEX LIST #8 – THIS GUY HAS TOO MUCH TIME
Moleskine should change its slogan to “Official notebook of the college sex list” because we’ve gotten more sex list submissions using Moleskine than anything else. This person seems to have chronicled their entire sexual history rather than just people they’ve slept with. They have K=kiss?…. H=handjob?… B=blowjob?… and F=Fuck?… and A=Anal? Also note that there are a couple lines that contain double entries, which we can only assume means that their was some kind of threesome occurring. This guy / girl has way too much time and needs to focus on things other than their sex life.
SEX LIST #9 – POT STICKERS
We have to applaud this individual’s creative use of misdirection. Who in a million years would have looked for a college sex list in a note titled “Pot Stickers”? Perhaps one would expect to find a delectable Chinese recipe passed down from generation to generation, but definitely not a hot, steamy list of sex partners. We like the casual use of the word “again”. Does this mean that it is the same girl, or perhaps just another Rachel undeserving of a last name initial? How much time must have elapsed for Rachel to count “again” as an entirely different human being? This is all conjecture, but we really want to know.
SEX LIST #10 – SOMEONE DID SOME EXPERIMENTING
SEX LIST #11 – KEEPING A LIST PAYS OFF
This sex list looks like it has been crumbled up and likely thrown in the trash. As explained by the person who sent it to us, this was their sex list until they got herpes. We are very apologetic, and we would never wish an STD on anyone. However, it sometimes pays to keep a sex list when you need to contact all of your previous sexual partners. Be careful everyone… STD’s really do exist.
SEX LIST #12 – PUNKERSLUT
This girl (we assume it’s a girl) must listen to a lot of Paramore based on how she chose to illustrate her list of sex partners. This list looks very similar to Paramore’s Riot album. We can’t decide if each individual “sex” is someone she has had sex with, or if each “sex” is a specific time she / he has had sex. As can be seen, there are little clusters of similar “sex” words that would suggest the latter explanation. Additionally, we like to think the way the “sex” was illustrated on the card indicates what the sex was like in real life. There are some that are angry, some smooth and swirly, others small and multitudinous, and others that look robotic and jagged. Also, some of the “sex” is larger than the others. One of them even looks like the Hitler SS symbol. Did she have sex with a Neo-Nazi or something? We’ll never know.
So we have come to quite a lot of conclusions so far. These are some of our more insightful ones.
- Moleskine Notebooks needs to change its slogan to “Official Notebook of the College Sex List”
- Consumer Reports should look into hiring the chick who wrote sex list #4
- It pays to keep a list when you find out you have herpes and need to contact your partners.
- The Kinsey Institute really needs to re-evaluate their sex statistics on college students.
- People are slutty.
[sws_red_box box_size="600"] DISCLAIMER: Some of these sex lists have been altered or changed in order to protect the identities of those that submitted them. [/sws_red_box]