All hail the Flabongo! The first night of college is about as awkward as it gets. Everyone wants to make friends so badly, the desperation is palpable.
So let me give you a tip – no, not “Keep your door open, people will walk in and say ‘Hey’”, because that’s a stupid piece of advice. My tip to you is to get a Flabongo. Because nothing gets the party started faster than breaking out a beer bong shaped like a flamingo. “Oh whats up, you guys wanna shotgun a beer? Well before you guys do that, would one of you mind pouring a beer into my Flabongo” Game Over.
In one fell swoop, you have redefined the college party paraphernalia hierarchy, and its only your first night. The beer bong used to be king of the jungle. The Flabongo is a fucking liger. Part bong, part exotic intrigue. A combination of deadly forces that will knock people on their ass.
The best thing about the Fabongo is it doesn’t even fucking matter when, how, or where you use it. Say you have a presentation on free-market capitalism. What a boring subject. Regardless of what you say, your probably gonna end up sounding like that teacher from Charlie Brown who can’t even speak right. You know whats gonna spice that presentation up and keep the crowd interested? That’s right. The motherfucking Flabongo. “Good morning class. Did you think this would be a regular discussion of Keynesian economics. Well your wrong. Who wants to hit this Flabongo.”
It is inevitable that, at some point, someone will as you “Dude, why are you drinking out of a flamingo.” It’s ok soldier, finish the drink. When you are done, look your detractor right in the eye, give him a nod of solidarity and pour that man a beer. In a world of nuclear weapons, incurable terminal disease, and country music who could blame a stranger for being skeptical of the unknown. Therein lies the beauty of the Flabongo ; Despite our differences, it holds the power to bring us together towards a common goal. You can’t say that about much these days. So lets raise our Flabongo’s and have a drink.
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