1: Jungle-Juice is an ALTERNATIVE
First off, the point of having Jungle-Juice at a party is to diversify your alcoholic party-portfolio. Not everyone likes beer, and not everyone likes liquor, so what do you have as an alternative? Jungle-Juice. Point being, if Jungle-Juice has beer in it, it very well isn’t an ALTERNATIVE to beer. It is just beer, with fruity flavoring. However, if you despise liquor it is probably for 1 of 2 reasons. Either you just plain hate liquor, or you dislike that it is so strong. If you plain hate it, chances are you are going to choose beer no matter what. If you dislike that liquor is so strong, Jungle-Juice is the perfect “ALTERNATIVE,” especially if you dislike the taste of beer.
2: It’s a Waste of Beer
Beer can rarely be tasted when added to Jungle-Juice, and it doesn’t make Jungle-Juice any stronger, so why bother?
“But it adds carbonatioooon,” you might whine.
You know what else adds carbonation? Carbonated water, Soda, or even fuckin’ Tonic Water. Shit, Tonic Water even makes drinks glow under a black light. Surely, any of these would be a better choice, and a cheaper choice than beer.
3: If it CAN be Tasted, It Makes Jungle-Juice Taste Shittier
Ok fine, so maybe it can’t be tasted most of the time. BUT, when it does, it will do one of two things.
One, make the Jungle-Juice smell, and taste, like fruity, piss-water beer…; for this, I will refer you back to Reason number 1.
OR, two, the Jungle-Juice will just taste like shitty Jungle-Juice.
4: Beer Mixed with Liquor Will NOT Make You Sicker…..It WILL Make You More Hung-Over
I am a firm believer that the “Liquor before beer, beer before liquor blah blah blah”…is complete bullshit. I have drank everything from beer to mead to mother-freakin’ butter-beer (yes, that stuff from Harry Potter) in a myriad of different permutations to no adverse response. HOWEVER, some things when mixed together will not make you vomit or get sickly drunk, but they WILL give you a hang-over like you’ve never experienced before.
For example, drinking Cabernet Sauvignon and then shooting Tequila will make you feel like what I imagine it would be like to be repeatedly tased in the head while constantly being subject to the smell of someone cooking with Feta-Cheese. Yes, you start to experience phantom smells.
My point, though, is that Jungle-Juice with beer in it makes you feel like Death the next morning.
5: It’s Still a Waste of Beer
You really have copious cheaper and tastier alternatives, and there are probably loads of people at your parties that wish they could have one more beer. Grant them their wish, and stop putting said beers into your god-damned Jungle-Juice.
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