Intro: How Parties Get Busted
Police do not have magical nodes that detect underage drinking and/or any other act of questionable legality. If you assumed they did, then you have probably never thought about it . What police can detect is any loud or obtrusive noise. It is for this reason that parties get busted. My tip? Minimize your party’s noise outside your house. Here’s how:
The same way that professors rarely fail students whose names they know, your neighbors will rarely feel inclined to call the police and complain about your noise if they too know your name. Establishing good relationships with your neighbors is the golden rule to follow when trying to avoid getting busted.
Be a Hoss
People at parties are rarely the portraits of proper etiquette. They assume that upon paying the cover they have free reign to do what they want and go where they please. As the host, do not be afraid or meek in the exertion of your hostly powers. If there are too many people outside, or the few that are there are being to loud, then you best be a HOSS and tell them outright to go inside or shut the hell up. If they refuse, refer to Article I : Section V : Title II of the party constitution and kick their asses out. One voice might not be so loud, but 28 added up are enough to piss off your neighbors. Just remember that you are the boss and you should have no problem.
Strategically Position Speakers
Believe it or not, you can target sound. The key to good speaker position is to face them in a direction so that the sound must pass through more matter, space, and mediums before it has the opportunity to escape your house. The effect of this is to preserve the volume and clarity in the house, but to minimize waves that can escape outside. You might think that difference between well positioned speakers and poorly positioned ones is likely negligible but you are actually sorely wrong. And now for a very crudely drawn diagram illustrating the implementation of this idea:
In this implementation the noise must pass through several interior walls, air, and bodies before refracting back through the same walls and bodies where it can then escape through exterior walls and windows. By this time it the waves are weak and will lack the volume outside. Which brings us to our next point. Insulate exterior windows and doors where possible.
Insulating walls is pretty much not within any party host’s capabilities, however there are a number of ways to insulate doors and windows. To insulate windows you should first make sure that there are no crevices open to the outside. This means make sure every window is as closed as it can be. Next, try putting up heavy drapes or at least put your blinds down, these are just one more layer for the sound to travel through. As for doors, it is best to just make sure that there are also no crevices through which sound can escape easily. Does your exterior door have space between the floor and the base of the door? If so, put in some rubber gasket. Is there space between the edge and the jam or where it meets the hinges? If so, fill in these spaces somehow. Now, you should be set.
Implement White Noise
On often overlooked option for sound suppression is to actually cover up party noises. The only real way to do this is with A/C units, and this is OK because A/C can service two purposes. Wall mounted units are best because they are designed so that the sound from compressors and their inner components is projected outwards. This means that they are both sound insulated at least decently, but also that their own noise will be projected outwards obscuring at least a little bit of your party noise. Plus, they have the added benefit of cooling your party down, which if it is any good at all should be getting pretty steamy. Central units can work as well, though not nearly as effectively. The central unit is only really effective if it is placed somewhere that its sound will overlap with the party, but unfortunately central units are usually tucked away in some obscure place. At least it will cool down the party though!
If the police do come, be sure that you know your rights.
Category: College Party Bust Proofing