We the people, in order to form a more perfect party, establish guidelines, ensure courtesy, provide for the common entertainment, promote the general joviality, and secure the blessings of party knowledge to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Party Constitution for the party-goers and throwers of the United States of America.
ARTICLE 1: HOSTS
SECTION I: THE PARTY
Title I: Drinks and Entertainment: A host must provide drinks and entertainment in abundance for a party to be declared. Whereas drinks and entertainment are provided in abundance, a host may therefore charge a cover.
Title II: Usage of Space: For a party to be declared, five spaces are required:
i: An area to sit
ii: A bathroom
iii: An area to procure drinks
iv: A place to smoke cigarettes
v: A place to congregate
Title III: Music and Dancing: For a party to be declared, music must always be provided. Where provided dancing may be encouraged. Whereas dancing typically occurs in congregation space, a host must therefore see that this space is devoid of furniture and un-obscured
Title IV: Denial of Entry: A host may at any time for any reason deny a prospective guest entry.
SECTION II: COVER CHARGES
Title I: Basic Covers: A host may charge a cover if the party in question is in compliance with aforementioned titles.
Title II: Selective Charging: A host may decide whether to charge by gender at their own discretion. A host may also choose whether or not to charge for individuals.
Title III: Experiential Charging: A host may charge no greater than 5 dollars for a first party at a new apartment or for a first of the new semester. However, with a good reputation a host may increase rates for later events at their discretion.
Title IV: Cover Expiration: A host may no longer charge guests for entry if a party has completely dried out except in the case of the “12am Rule.” A host may however deny entry.
Title V: The 12 am Rule: If a guest arrives to the party in the vicinity of 12am and the party is dry or pending a beer-run but still in full swing, a host may still charge the guest for entry.
Title VI: The 1am Rule: If a guest arrives after 1am and the party has since dried, a host may no longer charge a cover.
Title VII: BYOB Rule: If a party is not BYOB and a guest brings their own, a host may use their own discretion to decide whether or not to charge. Because BYOBing to a non BYOB party is highly disrespectful and potentially disruptive to a hosts ability to curtail losses incurred by overstocking drinks, a host may indeed charge.
Title VIII: Rule of Three: A host must provide a minimum of three standard drinks per a guest up to their decided house capacity in order to declare a party and charge a cover. Beyond a decided capacity guests may not have been directly invited and can therefore be charged a cover despite having access to fewer drinks unless, of course, the party is completely dry excluding the 12am rule.
SECTION III: PROTECTION OF PROPERTY
Title I: Theft Prevention: A host is responsible for their possessions. Possessions of value should be hidden lest they are stolen. If a host fails to properly stow valuables they are solely responsible for their loss.
Title II: Domicile: Should a guest destroy some part of the host’s domicile such as windows, screens, walls, floors or other, the host may requisition repairs and hold the guest responsible for payment of the invoice in a timely fashion. IF the guest refuses payment the host may permanently excommunicate them and/or raise cover of future engagements to accrue lost funds.
Title III: Private Areas: A host may cut off certain areas of their domicile from guest access. If the guest is suspected of malicious activity in trespassing upon cordoned areas, the host may expel the guest from the party.
Title IV: Furniture and Other Goods: If a guest can be surely charged with the destruction of any particular good or furnishings resulting from misuse or violation, the host may hold that guest responsible for its replacement or repayment. The sole exception to this is drinkware and other items deliberately distributed or offered by the host expressly for party usage.
Title V: Fabric and Textile Goods: If a guest can be surely charged with spilling or otherwise soiling fabric or textile goods, the host may request that the guest clean and/or dry clean the fabric, textile or garment as necessary.
Title VI: Personal Alcohol: A host must recognize that alcohol that is accessible to guests is fair game. If a host wishes to preserve certain beverages, they must relocate these to their cordoned private area. Guests found to have imbibed beverages stowed in private areas may then be held responsible if the area is clearly deliberately cordoned and out of the way.
SECTION IV: PROTECTION OF GUESTS
Title I: Drinks: A host must provide ample drinks, however a host is also responsible for limiting the rate of consumption and protecting guests from over imbibing
Title II: Sociality: A host must use good judgment in who they allow entrance. A host must protect guests from other guests that might be belligerent or otherwise pugnacious, as well as those who might be sexually predatory and prone to non-consensual advances.
Title III: Injury: A host must protect guests from both extraneous and self-injury.
SECTION V: EXPELLING AND EXCOMMUNICATION
Title I: Force: A host may not use force to remove a guest from a party unless the guest has demonstrated a malicious intent to do harm to the host, any person, or the hosts property. A host may not use excessive force however in any circumstances.
Title II: Basis: A host reserves the right to expel any guest for any reason.
Title III: Cover Returns: If a guest has not clearly violated any precedents/ protocols a host must return their cover should they choose to expel this guest.
Title IV: Excommunication: Excommunication, or the permanent banning of a guest from all future events, is a hosts prerogative if and only if a guest has repeatedly violated any precedents or protocols, or has certainly demonstrated a malicious intent or disruptive demeanor.
SECTION VI: IN CASE OF EMERGENCY
Title I: Medical: If a guest becomes injured, excessively inebriated or succumbs to any condition requiring medical assistance, a host is required to call for an ambulance regardless of the legal consequences.
Title II: Police: A host must know their rights, and should police arrive on site, a host should calmly head off officers. A host should inquire if there has been a complaint, and if so offer to dispatch the entire event immediately. Always respect the authority of the police even if you don’t like it.
ARTICLE II: GUESTS
SECTION I: PROPERTY
Title I: Garments and Purses: A host may provide a place for guests to deposit items, however items deposited remain the guests responsibility. A guest cannot hold the host responsible for items that might be pilfered unless sufficient proof that it was in fact the host that stole the item can be provided.
Title II: Alcoholic Property: If a guest brings alcohol to a party and leaves it unattended it becomes fair game. However, whereas it is the property of the guest who brought it, this guest therefore does reserve the right to deny it to any other guest.
SECTION II: DRINKING ETIQUETTE
Title I: Drunkenness: A guest shall not drink beyond his or her known limits.
Title II: Quotas: A guest shall be guaranteed a minimum of three standard drinks if a party is declared.
Title III: Pre-gaming: A guest shall recognize that pregaming is not carte-blanche excluding them from cover charges. A guest shall also recognize that they may need to abide by the 12am rule.
Title IV: Excessive Drunkenness: A guest shall take responsibility for any and all actions enacted while overly drunk. This may mean payment, clean-up, and/or a number of apologies.
SECTION III: DRUGS
Title I: Drugs: No guest shall use illicit drugs unless the host permits the activity explicitly.
Title II: Marijuana: Because the prominent aroma of marijuana nullifies a hosts fourth amendment rights entirely, no guest shall engage in marijuana use unless permission is explicitly received from the host.
SECTION IV: RESPECT
Title I: Respect of Person: Should a guest disrespect a host in any way, a host shall retain the right to expel and/or permanently excommunicate a guest.
Title II: Respect of Property: A guest must respect a hosts property. Disrespect of property warrants expulsion.
SECTION V: BYOB
Title I: Bringing Your Own: A guest may always bring their own alcohol to a party. This guarantees them drinks, however it does not guarantee exception from cover charges.
Title II: Diffusion: A guest must recognize that by bringing their own to a non-BYOB party may mean that other guests might drink their alcohol.
SECTION VI: INVITING
Title I: Party Dependence: If a party is clearly open and a guest has attended or regularly attends parties thrown by the host, then they may invite guests openly.
Title II: First Timers: If a guest has been invited by the host but has never been to one of their parties, they may invite up to two friends to accompany them without the hosts permission.
Title III: Grouping: If a guest is a regular visitor and is with other invited guests, people that might be with these guests prior to the attendance may also attend without the hosts expressed permission.
Title IV: Repeat Visitors and Close Friends: Those more closely associated with the host may invite individuals more freely, though as a courtesy they should request permission or at least inform the host.
SECTION VII: NUDITY AND SEX
Title I: Consent is LAW: Guests wishing to engage in sexual activities at the site of the party must both be conscious and consenting. They must also secure consent from the host to engage at the site.
Title II: Bedroom Violations: A guest that has not secured host consent and engages in sexual activities in a bedroom may be excommunicated permanently.
Title III: The Bathroom Rule: If guests are so desperate, they may engage in sexual activities in the bathroom without the host’s consent as long as they clean up and do not violate aforementioned property or textile rules.
Title IV: Nudity: Any guest may become nude indoors pending a complaint from another guest. However, outdoor nudity requires explicit permission from the host as it might disturb the delicate relationship between the host and his or her neighbors.
ARTICLE III: THIRD PARTIES
SECTION I: BANDS AND DJS
Title I: Payment: A host is not required to pay the band or DJ unless payment or contract has been discussed in advance.
Title II: Entertainment Rule: Entertainers are of a higher status than other guests. If a band or DJ plays, they are entitled to free entry, unlimited drinks, and the right to a couch or futon to crash on should they decide to stay. This couch or futon becomes their domain for the evening which excuses them from acquiring host consent for sexual activities. No third party is exempt from aforementioned titles pertaining to property destruction or violation.
Title III: Accommodation Exemption: If a DJ or band is paid to play, the host is exempted from providing overnight accommodation.
SECTION II: FINANCIERS
Title I: Return: A host is required to pay back all loans to a financier with a minimum of 5% interest regardless of whether or not the party made enough to pay back the financier in full. If the party was a dud, the host must use personal funds to ensure the financiers return.
Title II: Financier Rule: A financier is also a higher status than other guests. They too are guaranteed free entry, and unlimited drinks, however as their services guarantee return on investment in a monetary sense, they are not guaranteed accommodation for the duration of the night.
SECTION III: EQUIPMENT LENDERS
Title I: Property Protection: Should a host borrow equipment knowingly, they become responsible for the equipment. Should it be destroyed they must reimburse its initial list value.
Title II: Equipment Rule: Should a guest lend equipment they are guaranteed free entry, though they are not necessarily entitled to unlimited drinking rights.
Title III: Secondary Source Rule: Should a DJ or band borrow equipment from another individual without the host’s knowledge, that individual is guaranteed entry, though whether they must pay or not is up to the host’s discretion.