James Bond may not drink beer, but who wants to party with him anyway? He’d probably just end up shooting up the place and stealing all the women. But if Bond…James Bond…did crack a cold one every now and again, […]

These are dark days for hockey fans. The NHL lockout is looking like it’s going all the way to federal court (no shit), at this point meaning that the entire 2012-2013 season is all but canceled. For those of us […]

It’s crazy how many hours there are in the day when you aren’t sleeping. Currently it is 5 AM, and I haven’t slept a full night in over a week. The walls are starting to melt in my peripheral vision.  I finished […]

  Hold on to your frigid nether regions; winter has finally come—and unlike your deadbeat father, it’s here to stay. For pow-shredders, gnar-lovers, and whatever other goofy ass buzzwords people are using to refer […]

Back in September, Brian Arola showed us 50 reasons why bottle openers are for sissies. Now, for your viewing pleasure, the guys from Metro Skateboarding have brought us 40 more, accompanied by some bitchin’ […]

We’ve all been there. You need to get to the grocery store, laundromat, possibly even your drug dealer’s house, but you don’t have a car. Well, I’m here to tell you that just because you don’t have wheels […]

As the sands of time fall through the hourglass grain by grain, and my own graduation draws ever nearer, I find myself reminiscing more and more about this crazy experience we call college. I think about the […]

It’s here. Or it’s about to be. Depending on when you read this, and what time zone you’re in, you could be eating the mutilated body of a murdered turkey right now. Or you could be done. I don’t know, I’m not a […]

Ah, the ping pong ball: the great equalizer. Whether you’re a burly muscle man, a puny little manlet, or not even a man at all; on the beer pong table, you’re just the same as anyone else. It doesn’t matter what […]

 Would everyone out there who loves gravy please raise their hands?
I’m waiting…
Hey you! Yeah you, behind the computer screen! Why aren’t you raising your hand? You and I both know you fucking love […]

In today’s edition of The Campus Naturalist, we will be examining a creature indigenous to nearly every college dormitory in America: the RA (or resident advisor). At first glance, the RA may look just like […]

Thanksgiving is almost here. Imagine: at this very moment, millions of turkeys nationwide are happily going about their business—pecking at shit, or whatever turkeys do for fun—completely unaware that in just […]

Holy shit, I thought as I walked outside today, it’s snowing. It’s actually fucking snowing.
That’s right boys and girls, fall is almost over and winter, the season of chapped lips and erect nipples, is almost […]

Because studying is for chumps. Here’s what the cool kids do when they’re forced to spend time in the campus torture dungeon/library.
1. Build a Book Fort
Use the heavier encyclopedias for the foundation, and […]

Halloween is tonight, are you ready? Not if you don’t have a pumpkin keg. All the cool kids have pumpkin kegs, they’re like, so totally in this year. Are you willing to risk becoming a social pariah and thereby […]

I was at a restaurant last night, eating a bacon cheeseburger, and I couldn’t help but think to myself, damn, this could use more bacon. You hear me Chile’s? Two measly fucking bacon strips on a half-pound burger […]

Halloween, the one blessed night a year when it isn’t considered weird or passé to get hammered-ass drunk and stuff your fat face with mound after mound of candy, is almost upon us. And though there are many […]

Most often seen sitting cross-legged outside on the quad or in the corner of the room at your friend Stevie’s party, the North American Guitar Douche (barchordicus repeaticus) is a common specimen on almost any […]

Dear non-denominational vaguely Christian God (whom I’m pretty sure doesn’t actually exist but still feel compelled to address just as a means of covering all my bases should I happen to get killed tonight and […]

Dear non-denominational vaguely Christian God (whom I’m pretty sure doesn’t actually exist but still feel compelled to address just as a means of covering all my bases should I happen to get killed tonight and […]