I have a habit of asking new acquaintances about their favorite movie. It’s not that I’m a film buff, but it tends to give me a better picture of who they are as a person and clues me in to what we have in common. If I’m going on a date with you, then you better bet I’m going to pop the film question. That cute guy from work? His favorite movie better not be anything starring Jim Carrey. Here are eight ‘favorite’ movies that will ensure you don’t have a chance at a second date.

1. Superbad

Yes, this movie is hilarious, and yes, I can quote just about all of it. But if it’s your favorite movie, all I’m ever going to see when I look at you is an obnoxious high school guy who actually thinks getting me drunk at a party is going to work out as well for him as it did for McLovin.

2. A Christmas Story

I’m sure this movie lives up to all the hype it gets when it’s featured as some 24-hour marathon on Christmas day or whatever, but I’ve still never seen it and I still don’t want to hear about what a great movie it is… or how terrible of a person I am for never having seen it. I really, really don’t.

3. Transformers

If you’re going to make me watch a Michael Bay film with you, please let it be Pearl Harbor so I can at least enjoy Josh Hartnett in a uniform. I will not, under any circumstances, love watching a bunch of toys fight each other while Megan Fox struts around dripping with overdone Hollywood sexuality and too much eyeliner. Maybe I’m just jealous, but I’m not going to do it.

4. Any “Fast and Furious” Movie

Oh, you love fast cars? Oh, you love scantily clad tan and/or Asian women? Oh, you like reckless driving? Yes, I’d love to have your babies. But seriously, any guy who claims one of these movies is his favorite is bound to, at some point, get too drunk off of Jägerbombs and embarrass the hell out of you. This, too, goes for any other Vin Diesel film.

5. Any Nicolas Cage Movie

Sorry, Nick, but you’re the Nickelback of actors, and I just can’t have a boyfriend who watches you unironically.

6. The Rocky Horror Picture Show

In the words of a dear friend, it’s “pretentious art house crap.” And it’s weird. And it makes me, and probably most other people,  feel uncomfortable.  It’s not that I have anything against the film per se, it’s just I have a feeling you’ve pretended to have sex in front of a live audience, and I just can’t be with you.

7. Nacho Libre

If you find Jack Black parading around in a cape and tights more entertaining than anything else you’ve ever seen, we’re going to run out of things to talk about real fast. I’m sure it has it’s redeeming comedic factors, but…

8. Star Wars Episode I

If I have learned anything of value from guys who nerd out over Star Wars, it’s that no guy worth my time is going to pick Episode I as his favorite. Just don’t blame me if I take a fake emergency phone call half-way through dinner after you tell me Jar Jar Binks was your favorite character.

The post The 8 Movies That Will Make Me Break Up With You appeared first on The Campus Companion.

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Let me preface this article with some personal information: I was in summer school for about three weeks before calling it quits. So there’s that.

         Summer school is clearly the work of a higher evil power. The days that fall between Memorial Day and late August should be reserved for road trips, tanning, binge drinking, and general tomfoolery. But when summer school is on the agenda, one is forced to “read,” “study,” and “participate in class discussions.*”

         I can imagine that for those who have endured going to class every day during the summer, the idea of it is just that much more horrendous. To you poor individuals, know that it has pained people like me to watch you suffer such an injustice. Waking up early in the morning, finding out it’s going to be 90 degrees that day, and knowing that you have to trudge all around campus with a backpack full of books that you are never going to read has to be a special kind of hell that no college student should be forced into. It’s not your fault; you deserve better than this.

         It seems that there is a fundamental reason why summer school is so evil. All of our pre-collegiate life, the word “summer” was followed by the word “break.” And it was the good kind of break. Not the “you’ll ‘break’ your arm doing that,” or the “he’s going to ‘break’ up with me.” No. This ‘break’ meant freedom… freedom from balancing chemical equations and reading Macbeth. Why then, when you go to college, is one of the sweetest phrases known to mankind completely eradicated as if it is a bad thing? The first person to answer this question with authority and clarity deserves some brownies and a presidential nomination. And let us not forget about our poor professors. There’s no way they enjoy seeing a room full of unreceptive students staring back at them with nothing but despair and/or agony in their eyes. This, too, has to suck.

        Certainly there has to be some flow chart somewhere showcasing how universities could save money by closing down their doors for two months. We all know how college administrations love to cut costs. Someone work on this. Furthermore, it seems only logical that everyone could use a little vacation, and what better time to take a vacation than when the pool is open and the local bar is running two-for-one margarita pitcher specials on a Tuesday?

        Another point of concern is this: Does anyone learn anything during the summer? I can assuredly inform you that the answer is no. At least, no one learns anything from a textbook. This, too, is probably a proven scientific fact. I feel like to continue on with these arguments would be pointless, so for the sake of brevity, I’ll leave you with this: Summer school is evil and deserves to die. But you already knew that.

     *Quotations here to indicate to those unaware of the implied irony of such activities actually taking place during the summer.

The post On the Evils of Summer School appeared first on The Campus Companion.

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Okay, so I’m being a little melodramatic, but bear with me here.

It was on the first day of my new job that I found out I’d be working full time. My dreams of lounging by the pool and taking long weekends in the mountains were crushed and then immediately replaced with filing paperwork, selling iPads, and sharpening my phone-call diplomacy skills. And while the joys of working at my university’s computer store don’t end there, I’ll spare you the details. Instead, let me function as a cautionary tale of sorts, and we’ll go from there.

Don’t Take Classes, Too:

Unless you absolutely have to in order to graduate and have access to an unlimited supply of Adderall, don’t think this is going to work out well for your sanity and/or GPA. Granted, my personal experience may be slightly affected by my inability to “take the initiative” and remember the fact that online classes have deadlines too… but this fact is relatively unimportant.

Summer, to a college student, is pure gold. Not feeling stressed to the max will keep you having fun and will most likely prevent any tequila benders that wouldn’t have happened otherwise. Those should really be reserved for special occasions like spring break, national holidays, finishing finals, break-ups, and basically anything else other than “I have a test tomorrow but YOLO!”

Find A Job With Redeeming Qualities:
When I first started my job, I pretty much hated everything about it and weighed the options of quitting versus suicide. Then I began to see the upsides: a customer bought me coffee, the people I worked with were pretty freaking cool once I got to know them, and it’s a super-convenient commute. That’s all it took to make me hate my life less when I had to wake up at 7AM every morning to make it to work on time. If your bosses suck, your coworkers are less than desirable individuals, and sexual harassment lawsuits loom around every corner, just quit. Unless you’re making, like, $12 an hour… in which case, suck it up and shine it on.

Make An Effort To Have Fun After Work And On The Weekends:
You’d think this is obvious, but some people fail to understand the concept that you have to put some effort into entertaining yourself at times. Go out for dinner with friends, take a 24-hour trip to a nearby city on your day off, or let yourself call in sick one day and go for a hike instead. Okay, don’t do that last one, but definitely understand the importance of a personal day. We all need them. Packing as much fun between shifts is going to keep you going while being the lame friend who actually has to make money over the summer.

While I’m sure there are plenty of people capable of balancing work, school, and a social life, those people definitely don’t have time to read this article. Let’s all appreciate having the opportunity to waste time on the internet, instead!

The post How to Work Full Time in the Summer & Not Want to Kill Yourself appeared first on The Campus Companion.

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That torch has been passed to the incoming class of freshmen who still don’t believe that whole “don’t drink the punch” line. Ignorance is bliss… until it’s not. Then it’s violently barfing into a tub with that girl from your sociology class while wishing you could will sobriety into your pounding head.

Now that you’re a sophomore, a lot of things are going to change. Your “BFF’s” from down the hall last year are probably never going to talk to you ever again. Don’t take it personally; they probably suck. This is a good year to settle into some type of social rhythm and arrive at a partial conclusion of what you’re going to do for the rest of your (college) life.

If you’ve been warned that everything changes between your freshman and sophomore year, then congrats! You have someone looking out for you. You probably… no definitely… didn’t listen to them, and that’s okay. Just wait until everything is different. For example, imagine yourself a veritable member of  “Wolf Pack: Freshman Dorm Edition.” Prepare to be a one-man wolf pack when the second Friday of the semester rolls around, and you’ve been replaced with the new suitemates or guys from a rival fraternity.

No, this warning is not coming from a place of bitterness. I was fortunate enough to keep around precisely the friends I wanted to and expand my social circle in directions I had never considered during my time as a freshman. However, this wasn’t without significant pruning on my part and multiple “BUT WHY DON’T THEY LIKE ME ANYMORE” wine & whine nights with my roommate. This sucks, but this is growing up. You need to do a lot of that in order to function in the real world. Although the real world doesn’t technically start until after graduation, sophomore year is one step closer to that. Time to start preparing.

You can begin the “growing up” process by editing your social group. This is important. You’ll be doing more of this come junior year, but now is the time to start practicing how to do it tactfully. Cutting the people out of your life that don’t need to be there is only going to make things easier (and a whole lot more fun) as the year progresses. Yes, people are going to get their feelings hurt. This tends to end in tears or violent outbursts. Be prepared for all of the above. Eventually, you’ll run into them at a party, catch up over a couple beers, and move on with life.

The great thing about being a sophomore is that you still have a little license to screw up (read: have wild nights of irresponsibility that end in questioning your moral fiber and your ability to move the next morning.) YAY COLLEGE. Don’t worry, you actually get to do this all throughout your time as an undergraduate, but people tend to hate you less if you choose to get it out of your system before junior year. Not to say that the first two years of college are the only two in which you should have fun, but the looming cloud of real-world responsibility calls for significantly more sobriety than you’d like to admit.

Look at it this way: use this as an opportunity to get your life in order just in time for shit to hit the fan when you turn 21.

The post Help, I’m a Sophomore? appeared first on The Campus Companion.

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       While trying to suppress my crowd anxiety and avoid getting burned by the tips of lit cigarettes that seemingly swarmed around me like bees, I overheard a man raise a question that seemed too private to be asked in a crowd of over 90,000 filtering out from the main stage on Friday night at Bonnaroo 2012.

            “Do you know how I know there isn’t a god?”

My ears still recovering from eight hours of deafening music perked up.

            “Phish is playing a four hour set. If there was a God, it would have been Radiohead.”

I laughed. I may have said “amen.” Then I realized the point this guy was making.

     I’m going to go ahead an assume his atheism is based on actual philosophical belief, moral values, scientific theories, and whatever else it is that causes individuals to cling to their worldviews. But there, in that moment, it was the fact that he only got to see Radiohead for two hours when Phish got to play for four. To him, it seemed so wrong that he didn’t even want to believe in a god that would let such a travesty occur.

     If someone asked you what the most spiritual experience you’ve ever had would be, would “Church/Synagogue/Mosque/Whathaveyou-God” even be a part of it? For some, their answer would be an early morning hike to see the sun rise, the moment after a brush with death, that time they tripped on psilocybin. For this guy, the Radiohead show* was just so spiritual that he answered with certainty a question that philosophers have grappled with since the beginning of time.

     It got me thinking in the way that you do after you hear someone say something you wish you said first. World wars could probably end if everybody would just go see some shows together. Go back and stick the Axis and the Allies in a jazz bar together, and I guarantee things would have gone a whole lot smoother.

        Next time you’re at a show, see if you can see it: the mic as the pulpit, the guitars as the angelic choir, the drummer preaching a hellfire sermon, the audience a praising congregation. Better yet, go to Bonnaroo and see it happen hour after hour for four days. That way, when your parents ask why you see it necessary to spend all that money to wallow in the mud and heat in B.F.E. Tennessee, you can tell them because it’s definitely going to change your life. 

*(Yes, the Radiohead show was that good, and no, neither me nor this guy were under the influence of any illicit substances when the events described above transpired…)

The post Bonnaroo Bound, Part 3: On Why Bonnaroo is a Religious Experience appeared first on The Campus Companion.

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Being at Bonnaroo is a lot like a crash course in everything they definitely aren’t allowed to teach you in school. The implication here is that, as a teacher, it’s pretty damn cool. Here are the twenty things I learned at Bonnaroo this year. Part 1 of 3 can be found here.

1) Never underestimate the power of a good pair of shoes.

2) Lemonade is going to cost you an arm, a leg, and your first born. It’s totally worth it. 

3) A pack of cigarettes costs all of that plus a kidney. It’s totally not worth it. 

4) There is a proper level of hydration that will keep you conscious but out of the Portables. That level is absolutely ideal.

5) You don’t have a tattoo? You’re a minority.

6) Sitting out in the sun all day waiting in line to be front row for your favorite band is an experience everyone should have.

7) You’re guaranteed to have a lot in common with the person to the left and right of you at every show. Look at how easy making friends just got!

8) Just because it’s made out of hemp doesn’t mean you can smoke it.

9) Just because it sounds like fun doesn’t mean you should do it.

10) That band whose name you can’t pronounce? You should go check them out. 

11) Body paint is an acceptable form of clothing at these places. However, it is in no way recommended.

12) If it’s free, take it. Unless it’s illegal. Then definitely don’t take it.

13) While at Bonnaroo – or any music festival – the rest of the world is on pause.

14) If you make an underhanded comment regarding the government, nine times out of ten the response will be “Man, I know man. Tell me ‘bout it man,” or something along those lines.

15) The people watching is more than worth the price of admission. That is a promise.

16) Hula hooping isn’t just for kids. It’s a way of life for these people.

17) There is a rare breed of hippie that is best referred to as the “PhD Hippie.” Seek them out; they’re cool as hell. And if you’re wondering what that looks like, trust that you’ll just know when you see it.

18) Getting there is half the journey. The way less fun but nonetheless memorable half.

19) Coming back to reality sort of sucks. Okay, really sucks.

20) If no one is dressed in a penguin suit, then it isn’t a party worth being at.

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Going to a music festival can be a little overwhelming, especially if it’s your first “camping” festival. Knowing what to take, how to go about it, and what to do once you get there are important to get right and key to enjoying the experience. After selling a kidney or shelling out a considerable amount of Daddy’s money to go, you are going to be determined to have a damn good time. Don’t screw it up for yourself and everyone else by making a rookie mistake. Here’s how you do it.

• Pick good people to go with. Camping festivals such as Bonnaroo can be really exhausting with “that annoying girl from work.” Get a good group of people together who are down for anything and responsible. You will probably still get fed up with someone/everyone in your group at some point, but choosing wisely will ensure that no permanent damage is done. Music festivals can be a great bonding experience, so bond with people who are worth it!

• Make a schedule of who you want to see, but don’t get attached to it. Be willing to skip that band you’ve seen twenty times to check out a nobody at a smaller stage. Window-shop bands to see who is worth seeing on tour at some other point during the year. You’re at a musical buffet; savor all that you can.

• Don’t get too ambitious and think you’re going to sneak a pound of shrooms into the festival. You’ll get arrested, and that pretty much sucks. A sober festival is better than no festival at all.

• Figure out what you can and cannot take, and plan accordingly. Glass is usually a no-no and a copious amount of sunscreen is an absolute necessity.

• Mentally prepare by getting over whatever is dragging you down. Entering a music festival is a lot like leaving the real world for a nice break. Ditch your mental baggage at the gate and plan on having nothing but positive thoughts about what you are experiencing. Events like Bonnaroo are magical; don’t miss out on all that because you’re hung up on petty crap that probably wont matter after the weekend is over.

• Bro. Don’t forget to take your tickets.

One of my favorite parts of any festival experience is getting ready for it. Excitement is building and adrenaline is pumping. It reminds you that life is about to get forty times better in a matter of hours. This is precisely why everyone needs to go to a music festival before they die. Put it on your bucket list, and check it off this summer.

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The Freshmen:

Made in America

Before Jay-Z gets mad that I’m basically calling him and his festival a total dweeb who still wears braces and makes “pen 15” jokes on a daily basis, let’s all remember that MiA is the new kid on the block. However, this is the coolest freshman you will ever meet. Pearl Jam (that band from the 90s whose lyrics no one can understand but still sounded pretty cool I guess) and Jay-Z are the headliners, along with Skrillex, Passion Pit, Odd Future, Dirty Projectors, and more. These freshmen look like they know how to party; let’s just see if they can properly hold their alcohol and not get busted by the cops.

The Desperate Wannabes:

Warped Tour

OMG, did you hear about Vans Warped Tour? They are, like, so desperate for attention that they totally tour all over the country with, like, a billion bands, trying so hard to be popular and wanting everyone to like them, like, ugh. And I mean, All Time Low? SHE DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE.

The Burnouts:

Bonnaroo

If Saul from “Pineapple Express” could go to a music festival, he would go to Bonnaroo. Not a doubt in my mind about that. He’s pretty cool, but the THC has done just enough damage to make him willingly pay a ton of money to get sunburned and have his personal space bubble violated by no less than 147 strangers per show. Much like total burnouts, ‘Roo is pretty freaking cool to hang out with for the weekend, but once that weekend is over, it’s time to snap back into reality… and get a damn job, hippie.

The Sexually Active Band Geeks:

Pitchfork

The thing about sexually active band geeks is that they are still band geeks so you have to give them shit for it, but you’re definitely jealous that they’re getting laid and you aren’t… even if it is with the girl from colorguard who has a seat reserved at the “girls who eat their feelings” table. This is exactly what it’s like to be P4K Festival. The kids who go weren’t cool in high school, or worse, they were too cool to be cool in high school. While they’re all boning each other as Animal Collective plays in the background, you sit there trying to figure when and where you went wrong and why you can’t seem to find a girl who considers a Clams Casino show foreplay.

The Greatest People You Will Ever Meet:

Osheaga

I often imagine Montreal as a magical place where it is impossible to be uncultured, uninteresting, and unattractive. They speak French, ride bikes, and still find time to watch hockey games. Then they go and have a music festival in a place where the drinking age is 18. Four for you, Glenn Coco! You go, Glenn Coco.

And the worst… Beware of Plastics:

Lollapalooza

The thing about the Plastics is everyone hates them and wants to be them at the same time. They may be bitches, but they are the hottest ones you know. This is exactly what Lollapalooza is to all other festivals. They recycle every band that’s already paid their festival dues at one point or another during the summer then throw in someone totally random (oh hey Black Sabbath,) but you would still sell a kidney to go. Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt personally victimized by Regina George-apalooza.

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There is a time and place for everything, and there are few things better than the perfect song to compliment the moment. Here are seven situations you are more than likely to find yourself in this summer and the seven songs that fit those moments the best. Add these to your playlists, and watch your summer instantly improve.

For when you’re six shots in and the DJ refuses to play “Call Me Maybe” again:

Chromeo – Night By Night

It seems like Canada has been trying to compensate for something (read: Nickelback, Justin Beiber, and Sarah McLachlan of those hideously sad animal cruelty commercials) by making wildly addictive songs to dance to. While “Call Me Maybe” totally deserves a spot on this list after firmly establishing itself as college-girl kryptonite, Chromeo’s “Night by Night” takes the cake in overall musical redemption and ass-shakeability. It’s sexy, catchy, and wont ruin your music snob reputation if Spotify publishes it to your Facebook profile. Small victories, eh?

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XCcWlgVqHA&w=560&h=315]

For when you get dumped but have maintained enough self respect to not play Adele:

Jack White – Love is Blindness

You aren’t too weak to succumb to “Someone Like You” but have not yet reached the Kelly Clarkson–strong stage of your breakup. Enter Jack White’s grinding U2 cover. The lyrics are sensitive yet the guitar and vocals are anything but. So go ahead. Put it on, turn it up, and cry it out as you drive past your ex’s house for the third time in the last hour. At least you wont be caught at the stop sign blaring Taylor Swift again.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5wcPHLl7Ds&w=560&h=315]

For when you’re double fisting PBR tall boys and starting to exclusively shop at Goodwill:

Diarrhea Planet – Warm Ridin’

If you’re not wearing high waisted shorts that you purchased on Etsy paired with Litas and a bad attitude then you’re checking out an ombre-haired cutie who is, undoubtedly through your thick-rimmed, non-prescription glasses. Don’t spend all summer floating down the mainstream-lamestream, man. Turn up a band whose name you are too embarrassed to say out loud! At least that ensures that no one else will ever hear of them.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUzyH6ATSXQ&w=560&h=315]

For when you’re drunk around a body of water:

Creedance Clearwater Revival – Fortunate Son

The beauty of this song is that, no matter how loud, how drunk, or how much of “that guy” you are being, no one can get mad when it’s playing. This song stands for the Red, White, and Blue. Bald eagles are probably trained to fly every time they hear John Fogerty’s voice. Wait, this isn’t a patriotic song? I’m sorry; I can’t actually hear the lyrics over the “MERICA” chants.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ec0XKhAHR5I&w=560&h=315]

For when you want to incite a 90s sing-a-long power hour:

Smash Mouth – All Star

No music will unite a room of people together faster than 90s tunes. The best part about the 90s is that our generation’s brains were just fresh enough to be absorbing up all the lyrics like a pop-culture sponge. That’s right: you can blame science for not being able to forget every word to “Baby Got Back.” Other recommended choices would be TLC’s “Waterfall,” Chumbawumba’s “Tubthumping,” and the boy band classic from Hanson, “MMMBop.” Stay away from Barenaked Ladies’ “One Week,” however. Not even the guy who wrote it knows the words.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_jWHffIx5E&w=560&h=315]

For when you’ve ingested multiple illegal substances:

Macro X Treekeeper – Welcome to Bohemia

A song best described as belonging to “that” part of YouTube where heinously talented but, um, unconventional talent hides is certain to be a great part of any experience you may have this summer, psychedelic or not. It’s wickedly creepy, and that’s what makes taking a trip to Bohemia so damn appealing. If it’s not your thing, then at least watch the video for tips on how to properly use the homemade glow stick goo you pinned last week to your “DIY Rave” Pinterest board.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SX-DSTmf1hE&w=560&h=315]

For when you need to impress people at YouTube parties:

Jenny Owens Young – Hot In Herre

Remember Nelly? Remember “Hot in Herre?” Well here’s a video of a girl singing it in an igloo and partying with polar bears, penguins, and other snow-dwelling creatures. You didn’t know you needed this in your life until now, and you’re so welcome.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwuIIsDjgZg&w=560&h=315]

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