1. Guy Who is Obsessed with Anal –He’d be a hell of a good friend to have around though, because his perpetual ass obsession is sure to keep you entertained. That being said, you don’t want to date him. If you date this guy, every time you hang out he will incessantly ask if he can put it in your butt. You won’t get cute speeches about him loving all of you everyday forever like Gosling gave in “The Notebook,” – instead you’ll be hearing about how he wants to love your butthole forever. Ew. Say what you want, but you girls know you don’t enjoy it. Plus, you become “girl who dates the guy who is obsessed with anal, which means you’re obsessed with it too by default.” Let the judging begin.
2. Guy Who Looks Up to Dom Mazzetti – Okay, do I even need to say why? Dating a guy who is super into himself and his looks is a big no-no. Yeah we all need to love ourselves, but we don’t need to psychologically beat off to our own reflections. The only person who should date a guy like this, is a girl like this. You know just as well as I do how embarrassing it would be to date a guy who is more groomed and has better eyebrows than you do. Be with someone who makes it okay to leave your house looking like garbage, not someone who needs you to be bright eyed and bushy tailed every minute of the day.
3. Guy Who Only Wants to Text – This would just be obnoxious to deal with. Love goes back eons and it was never intended to be dealt with through texting. Dating should be real emotions, person to person. It’s meant to be difficult and a real pain in the ass. What fun would it be if it were easy? You don’t get a pass-go card for dating so that you can handle your business through texting. This guy is just hiding from something – either he isn’t mature enough to deal with you to your face, or he doesn’t care enough about you at all to make the effort to have a face-to-face relationship. Moving on…
4. Guy With a 24-7 Sidekick – We all love Pauly D and Vinny’s bromantic relationship and have fallen deeper in love with them every Thursday night. With that being said, imagine how annoying it would be to actually date one of them. As much as this type of guy might like you, he’ll always like his friend more. That’s his boy! Getting this guy alone to just hang out will be harder than settling the American deficit. You’re setting yourself up for constant competition, with another guy. No matter how big of a bombshell bra you wear, his bud will somehow always outdo you.
5. Guy Who Will Forever be a Mama’s Boy – Every girl loves a guy who is close with his mama. Someone somewhere figured out that girls think it’s cute when a guy is good to his mother, because that somehow should mean he’s good to all other women as well. They say that guys who treat girls like princesses were raised in the arms of a queen, but when it comes to dating there is just something about that that is super unattractive. You don’t want your guys mom to be the ruling queen of his kingdom forever, because in retrospect that just makes you a pawn in your own relationship.
6. Guy Who Has Cheated Before – Why? Just, why? I don’t understand the draw at all. There is no such thing as “mistakes” when you cheat in a relationship. When you cheat, you know exactly what you’re doing the whole time you’re doing it. If a guy cheats on you and you still pursue him, you’re basically deciding that you are comfortable with the fact that this guy thought about you, decided you didn’t matter, and then went on to do something that was obviously going to hurt you. You’d be better off swallowing a grenade than dating this type.
7. Guy Who Wants to be in College Forever – College is a fleeting glimpse of eternity. It’s four years to be responsible for nothing except getting your ass into an uncomfortable seat for an hour or so five days of the week. It’s being able to do whatever, whenever, and however you want. College isn’t real life. It’s a few years to be off the hook before life smacks you in the face and says “WELCOME!” College wasn’t meant to last forever, and thank god it doesn’t. It’s fake. There’s something after it. Don’t date the guy who wants to live this way forever – don’t date someone who thinks its okay to use sheets as blinds and survive off of bacon egg and cheese bagels forever. Because it’s not okay – there’s more to life, and you don’t need to be with someone this shortsighted.