Let me preface this article with some personal information: I was in summer school for about three weeks before calling it quits. So there’s that.
Summer school is clearly the work of a higher evil power. The days that fall between Memorial Day and late August should be reserved for road trips, tanning, binge drinking, and general tomfoolery. But when summer school is on the agenda, one is forced to “read,” “study,” and “participate in class discussions.*”
I can imagine that for those who have endured going to class every day during the summer, the idea of it is just that much more horrendous. To you poor individuals, know that it has pained people like me to watch you suffer such an injustice. Waking up early in the morning, finding out it’s going to be 90 degrees that day, and knowing that you have to trudge all around campus with a backpack full of books that you are never going to read has to be a special kind of hell that no college student should be forced into. It’s not your fault; you deserve better than this.
It seems that there is a fundamental reason why summer school is so evil. All of our pre-collegiate life, the word “summer” was followed by the word “break.” And it was the good kind of break. Not the “you’ll ‘break’ your arm doing that,” or the “he’s going to ‘break’ up with me.” No. This ‘break’ meant freedom… freedom from balancing chemical equations and reading Macbeth. Why then, when you go to college, is one of the sweetest phrases known to mankind completely eradicated as if it is a bad thing? The first person to answer this question with authority and clarity deserves some brownies and a presidential nomination. And let us not forget about our poor professors. There’s no way they enjoy seeing a room full of unreceptive students staring back at them with nothing but despair and/or agony in their eyes. This, too, has to suck.
Certainly there has to be some flow chart somewhere showcasing how universities could save money by closing down their doors for two months. We all know how college administrations love to cut costs. Someone work on this. Furthermore, it seems only logical that everyone could use a little vacation, and what better time to take a vacation than when the pool is open and the local bar is running two-for-one margarita pitcher specials on a Tuesday?
Another point of concern is this: Does anyone learn anything during the summer? I can assuredly inform you that the answer is no. At least, no one learns anything from a textbook. This, too, is probably a proven scientific fact. I feel like to continue on with these arguments would be pointless, so for the sake of brevity, I’ll leave you with this: Summer school is evil and deserves to die. But you already knew that.
*Quotations here to indicate to those unaware of the implied irony of such activities actually taking place during the summer.