How To Waste a 75 Minute Lecture Without Really Trying
Through the wonders of science, technology, and creative leaps, an undergraduate’s thoughts were recorded during an especially boring May lecture.
Is it really only Tuesday? Alright, just make it through this class, then Wednesday is practically Thursday, and before I know it, the weekend is only Friday classes away.
I can’t believe this professor received a 4.3 in the “Overall Quality” department on RateMyProfessor.com. He even had a chili pepper next to his damn name!
I wonder what RateMyProfessor’s IPO would be? It probably wouldn’t be as much as Facebook, but I’d still buy it. Shit, it’s now more valuable to me than Facebook.
What happened to Facebook and me? We use to stare into each other’s eyes like lost lovers for hours. Now, she’s a girl trying too hard, always attempting to video chat and point out her new star earrings… Whatever happened to bumper stickers?
Bumper stickers were CHILL AS FUCK! High school, now that was my shit. I wonder if any of my teachers remember me… I wouldn’t remember me. I was pretty lame in high school.
Did I even learn anything in high school? Learn? What does that even mean? I’ve been looking at the ceiling for 25 minutes now, haven’t heard a word from this professor. Learn?
Time to rate everybody in this class…9…6…7….Oh, that’s an 8 if I’ve ever seen it. Maybe I should talk to one of them, Carly Rae Jepsen style. “Here’s my number, call me maybe LOLZ!” …Nobody would ever laugh at that.
I LOVE when I text my friends and they don’t text me back. Time to send out a bitchy text about how easy it is to respond and….. Oh, they responded 33 minutes ago…. I just didn’t feel the vibration… Well look who’s the asshole now!
Do we even need college anymore? I’m pretty sure I could learn everything from Wikipedia and Twitter. Sure am glad libraries exist so I can laugh at them.
I don’t know what I love more about the library: the horrible nervous energy from exam studying or every undergraduate wearing sweatpants and hoodies… Some girls can actually pull this look off. BRAVO!
I don’t have any notes and haven’t listened to this professor all semester AND GOOD GOD HE’S LOOKING TO CALL ON SOMEBODY! LOOK AWAY!
That was close. I don’t even want to think what would have happened had he called on me…. Come to think of it, probably absolutely nothing.
And THAT is how you draw a penis on a desk.
Time for the old internet fuckaroo! Twitter, Facebook, Temple Run, Words With Friends and Instagram a picture of me looking bored. Fifteen minutes left in class!
(There exists a place in the universe for those so bored that their conscience doesn’t even consider the reality of the brain. It’s a dark place. Fun, but dark. Time ceases to exist. Thoughts are silent. The perfect balance of earth, nature, and mind correlate in these moments, yet they’re indescribable because they’re so serene. This is where ten of the final fifteen minutes of a 75 minute lecture exists.)
I’ve never zoned out harder in my life. Perhaps, this is what monks consider to be the elevated state of mind termed “nirvana,” where one reaches a high unlike WHOA FIVE MINUTES LEFT IN CLASS! WEEKEND OR DIE BAYBEE!
I really can’t wait for summer. Get to see all my friends in June, then Independence Day in July and then… August. Has anything ever happened in August? In the history of the world, has anything EVER happened in August? Pretty sure the Mayans were fucking around with August. The world isn’t going to end this December, but rather, one August is going to be so unbearably boring that everybody will just kill themselves.
I don’t know who to be angrier at: The Mayans, calendars, or this professor for taking attendance every class. I might just go give this professor a PIECE OF MY MIND!!!
(Professor dismisses students)
Ah, fuck it. I’m getting the hell out of here.
