College students are notoriously broke. Crippling student loans, limited work availability, and the tendency to go home for extended amounts of time make us less than ideal for most jobs. However, some positions will always be open to us. Positions like:
If you have a car, you’re golden. This glamourous job entails driving out to the boonies to deliver pizzas to drunk-ass college students who are probably having way more fun than you, and whose tip will consist of $.35 and a stick of gum. Classy. Its not all bad though. You also get to navigate apartment complexes in the dark, and freeze your ass off waiting while a middle-aged man in a wife beater unlocks his 4 deadbolts that are protecting him from the frightening pizza menace.
If you don’t have a car, you’re not completely out of luck. There’s plenty of other positions in this glorious culinary establishment. You’ve got dreams of becoming a chef? Then you’re sure to find fulfilling work flipping burgers and deep-frying potatoes until they’re not recognizable as food.
What about costumer service? You’ll definitely enjoy working as a server, where you’ll take the orders of people who believe they’re entitled to treat everyone like crap. You’ll get blamed for everything that goes wrong, including menu prices, beverage selection, and other things that are completely out of your control.
I’m putting this in a different category from food service because you’re dealing with an entirely different kind of beast. In food service, you have to deal with hungry people. In a coffee shop, you have to deal with addicts getting their fix. Since you’re a student, you undoubtedly get stuck with the worst shift: opening the store at 5:30 AM until just before 11:30 when you have to go to class. This means that you’ve got to rouse yourself at 5, force some coffee down your throat, and drag yourself to work. Then you get to deal with the smiling faces of everyone else who is up at that unholy hour. And God help you if you forget that the double mocha frappucino with chocolate chips, whip cream, and caramel was supposed to be with soy instead of non-fat milk.
Ah, babysitting. It was your first job when you were 13, so you’ve had plenty of years of experience. Sure, it means you’ll have to give up your Friday, Saturday, or Sunday nights to take care of a screaming child, but just think how much better those blessed hours of silence will be after you put the kid to bed. To keep yourself amused, trying changing all the clocks in the house ahead an hour or two, and try to convince the little monster its bed time already. (extra points if the sun is still up). Don’t forget to raid the fridge and eat all the Poptarts, Fruit Roll Ups, and ice cream you wouldn’t let the child have earlier.
No matter what soulless job you choose, you’ll undoubtedly learn timeless lessons: the value of an honest day’s work, the real worth of a dollar, and how incredibly rude people are to each other. And maybe it’ll teach you to be nicer to your server.