50 Things That PISS Roommates Off

Obviously you shouldn’t do any of these things….

1. Leaving toothpaste, hair, muck, or goo in the bathroom sink.Not only is this unsanitary, but it’s embarrassing when you bring a hot member of the opposite sex home.
2. Peeing all over the toilet seat. When was the last time you enjoyed sitting in someone else’s pee?
3. Leaving dishes, garbage, or personal items in the common room. Gross.
4. Leaving dishes, garbage, or personal items in the sink…for days. Grosser.
5. Playing your music really loud late into the night. Headphones were made for this.
6. Hitting your alarm clock 20 times before waking up at 8 in the morning. Why bother? You’re not getting quality sleep in those 5-minute increments between alarms, anyway, so you won’t feel any better when you get out of bed than you will if you just wake up the first time the alarm goes off.
7. Using stuff that is not yours without asking, figuring no one will notice. Your roommate may be okay with you borrowing their car periodically, but driving to Wal-Mart in their digs while they are in class is a BIG no-no.
8. Using stuff that is not yours and not caring if anyone notices. Really? This means that you are generally just an asshole.
9. Always having people over.
10. Having your girlfriend or boyfriend present all the time. Yes, you love each other, that’s very sweet. Your roommates might even really like your significant other, but too much of a good thing is still annoying. It’s also possible that your roommates can’t stand your boyfriend or girlfriend, and don’t tell you this because they know you’d be offended. Either way, if you two don’t live together there is somewhere else you can hang out besides your place.
11. Laughing when someone asks you to stop doing something. You’re pretty much ignoring that person’s request and saying you think it’s stupid in the first place.
12. Doing all of your studying in a common area. Even if you don’t mind that your roommates are watching TV or talking while you study, they might mind that you’re taking up the entire couch and coffee table with all of your stuff.
13. Messing up something that isn’t yours and failing to fix or replace it. If you accidentally get a bright blue mark on your roommate’s $1,000 couch, don’t just flip the cushion over. He or she is going to know it was you, and will be far more angry when it finally comes to light. This goes for dishes, movies, and anything else you all share. Hopefully you don’t need to be told to replace something you’ve borrowed directly from a roommate if you mess it up, like clothes or jewelry. Or in this example, rugs.
14. Asking for favors you know your roommates won’t want to do, knowing they’ll say yes anyway. You’re taking advantage of their kindness, and the few hours you might spend looking hot in that borrowed shirt isn’t worth the irritation you’ll have caused.
15. Being passive-aggressive. It’s tempting because it’s funny (check out passiveaggressivenotes.com to see some awesome examples), but it comes across as an attack, no matter how direct you might be. (Exception: When you’ve run out of toilet paper there are no rules.)
16. Seeking attention. There will be times you really need to talk. That’s cool and all, but it’s important to remember that your roommates are not your therapists. They are not obligated to ask you what’s wrong when you sit on the couch and sigh heavily every few minutes while looking dejected. Chances are they’ve already noticed your puppy dog eyes and are hiding from them to avoid yet another unnecessarily dramatic conversation. Save the moping for your room.
17. Putting up embarrassing pictures on Facebook. Taking pictures that you know would embarrass your roommate is okay as long as no one else ever sees it. Putting the picture on the interwebs just makes you look like a total dick. You may get away with this early on in your college career when passing out looking like a hot mess is cool, but this tactic won’t make for happy housemates when you all grow up a little.
18. Buying furniture or decorations without mutual agreement. Don’t buy anything permanent for a common area unless you know for sure that your roommates like it. Not everyone wants a poster of kittens hanging in the living room.
19. Leaving the lights on when you don’t need them. Way to run up the electric bill, douchebag. Maybe you can wipe your ass with twenty-dollar bills, but that isn’t the case for everyone.
20. Using all the hot water. If you’re home alone and you know no one else is going to immediately hop in the shower, fine. But if you make your roommate take a cold shower you deserve to enjoy all the hot showers you’ll be taking in hell one day.
21. Evangelizing.Instead of trying to convince your roommates to be religious like you, just pat yourself on the back for being God’s favorite and go on your merry way.
22. Taking forever to cash your roommate’s check to you. Some landlords require you to turn in a single rent check for the whole amount instead of letting each roommate pay individually. If your roommates write you checks for their parts of the rent because you have the job of turning in the single rent check, do not wait three weeks to cash them. It ruins a person’s day when he or she finds out the checking balance is really several hundred dollars lower than it has been for the last couple of weeks because you’re too lazy to go to the bank. Likewise, if your roommate asks you to hold the check for a day, hold it for two days (if you don’t need the money right away) just to be safe.
23. Making your roommate kill bugs because you’re a big woosy. No matter how clean you are, you’ll probably see a roach or two at some point during your college career. Remember this about bugs and spiders: you are bigger than them. If they touch you, you can wash your hands or take a shower. Yes, they suck, but not as much as the cold shoulder you’ll get from your roommate if you make him or her stop whatever he or she was doing to come spray some bug killer on this bug that was threatening your life.
24. Taking a hot, steamy dump and not leaving the fan on. Or at least spray some air freshener. That shit lingers for hours.
25. Leaving food in the fridge for a long, long time. It stinks. Literally.
26. Leaving one square of toilet paper on the roll so you don’t have to replace the roll. If you do this you are a lazy piece of shit.
27. Not drying off the dishes when you unload the dishwasher. If you’re too lazy to wipe the dishes off with a clean hand towel before putting them in the cabinet, just leave the dishwasher open to let them air-dry first. Don’t put dripping wet dishes in the cabinets, because they will mildew and whatever touches them will taste disgusting.
28. Not showering. If you got really sweaty at any point in the day, you probably stink. Even if it’s been several hours and “it dried,” you still stink. When you lay on the couch, the couch will stink. It’s amazing that people still need this advice by the time they reach college.  Simply, you may not mind your stench, but your roommate will.  Especially foot-stink; if you have even the slightest suspicion that they might smell, refrain from kicking up your feet on the couch because that is just fucking disgusting.
29. Bringing Unexpected Pets: Just because you like having a bird does not mean that your roommate enjoys getting woken up by its whistling at 7am
30. Getting Excessively Drunk and Burdening: If you feel the need to get so drunk that you end up throwing up, at least find a quiet dark place to do it, and clean it up yourself.
31. Telling Your Roommate How to Do Mundane Tasks: Just because you think that cake should be cut with a knife and not a spatula does not mean you are right.  So shut-up and let your roommate cut with whatever they like.
32. Saying you will complete tasks, but failing to do so: If you say you are going to take out the trash but do not, causing your roommate to have to, they will hate you all the more.
33. Abusing utilities at your Roommates Expense: Chances are if you live with someone you share the utilities.  That said, don’t take 30 minute showers twice a day and not expect your roommate to get pissed.
34. Begrudging Roommates for not Conforming to Your Own Standards of Cleanliness: When you agree to live with someone it is kind of like marriage.  It is for the best and the worst, so to begrudge someone for something that will not change is to invite conflict.
35. Taking any Increment of Food: Just because it was “only” a quarter bowl of cereal does not make it okay.
36. Taking Forever to get Money for Rent and Utilities: Maybe your landlord isn’t too stringent about on-time payment, and maybe they don’t require one check, BUT this is not an invitation to take your sweet time to write out a check.  Chances are, one roommate is the conduit through which the household communicates with the landlord, and they are probably on the ball about their own payment, so it is just plain embarrassing to have to wait until the 10th to hand in all of the checks.  Just make sure to have your money on time.
37. Busting Balls Just Because you are in a Poor Mood: If a roommate is annoying you it is probably a good idea to call them on it, and let them know you feel bothered.  However, doing  this constantly for every little mundane things makes you both insufferable and a hypocrite.
38. Using Unacceptable Volumes for your Morning Alarm: There are acceptable levels of volume for a morning alarm.  Connecting your alarm to computer speakers on full blast can be highly aggravating, especially if your classes are earlier than anyone else’s in the house.  This also brings us to the next point…
39. Leaving Alarms on on the Weekend Without Cause: If you need to get up for a job or some other reason then fine, but if you left your alarm on aimlessly and it goes off for an hour because you fell asleep in the living room your roommates will be pissed.
40. Using Roommates Things and Leaving Them On: Your roommate may be happy to leave their tv or stereo in the living room for everyone to use.  However, if you regularly turn everything on and then fall asleep leaving it on all night, or leave it on all day once you leave, your roommate is going to be fuming.
41. Not Doing Fair Share of Household Chores: There is a certain point where perceived levels of cleanliness are irrelevant.  Some jobs need doing i.e. taking out the trash, washing dishes, bringing dishes and garbage from rooms and common areas to the sink or trash.  Failing to ever assist with these tasks makes you a big pain in the ass.
42. Making Excuses for Jobs: Protesting the washing of dishes because roommates fail to rinse dishes only works if you are the only one who consistently washes dishes.  If this is your excuse for NEVER having done the dishes then you just sound like a little bitch who is effectively saying: “The reason I don’t do jobs is because I don’t like to.”  Get a grip, nobody likes doing jobs and everybody has something about it that is particularly unpleasant for them.  FUCKING DEAL and stop being a little bitch.
43. Being Unappreciative: One person may tend to do more work than everyone else, and they may not mind doing so because it is the price they pay for having things the way they want them.  However, when other roommates don’t acknowledge that they benefit from this work, and become complacent and expectant that entropy is simply automatically reversed by someone else, they have CROSSED THE LINE.  A simple rule to follow: ALWAYS SAY THANK YOU.
44. Always Being Right: Don’t be an insufferable know-it-all who has to argue every point.
45. Never Conceding: It may be something as simple as choosing what to watch on tv, but make concessions occasionally.  Don’t always choose everything.
46. Being Excessively Stingy: Sharing is important.  Do it.  Often.
47. Ignoring Comfort Levels: Everyone has a comfort threshold, avoid overstepping your roommates comfort levels.  If they are clean and don’t use drugs, don’t invite your druggy friends over for a trip-fest in your living room.  Avoid walking around naked….that’s probably not cool either.
48. Clinging: You may share some of the same friends with your roomie, but avoid always doing the same thing and going the same places all the time.  If you find yourself always texting your roommate to find activities for the night, tone it down and text your other friends.
49. Advertising Your Economic Bracket: You may have more money than your roommate, but it is best not to advertise this.  That means avoid making senseless purchases on a whim “because you can,” or always eating expensive foods in front of them.  If your roommate lives on a diet of spaghetti-o ‘s, canned tuna, and frozen vegetables DO NOT bring home exotic or otherwise expensive foods like sushi, steak, or lamb medallions only for yourself every day.
50. Advertising Sex while Roommates are Having Dry-Spells: Nothing sucks more, while not having sex, than having to listen to roommates talk about their own sex-life.  OR, even worse, having your roommate try and arbitrarily rectify your dry-spell for you as if you are unable.  RULE of THUMB, stay out of your roommates sex-life.

Tags: anger, off, piss, roommates

Category: Housing, Roommates